No sex for 12 years... and no prospect of it - should I try for a holiday fling?

[SettleForThis]

I have HFA and as such have had problems with boundaies and understanding consent.

I'm 43 and haven't had sex since I was 31, with a man whom I was deeply in love but he turned out to be not a great guy - and that last time was quite a traumatic experience, I never saw him again.

I had ONS in my 20s and they left me feeling again... not great.

So I feel sex and emotion are not mutally exclusive for me in the long run

BUT! I have a sex drive, and really feel frustrated sexually, I masturbate a lot, but it's over in minutes anyway.

I've been trying to think of alternatives - Massages etc all feel so sordid...

I've booked a week long AI in the canaries next week - should I try for a holiday fling?

I don't even know how I'd go about it anyway, but I can't bear the thought of never having sex again....

I think you should go with the intention of having a good time and enjoying yourself. If you meet someone and have sex with them then bonus. If not, then so be it.

Don't put pressure on it to happy and it ruin your holiday if you don't.

You are of course quite right, thank you.

Just remember how your One night stands left you feeling. I know you're horny but be careful with your emotions too so you don't end up feeling used.

If you do get to meet someone, Do make sure you use protection, as holiday destinations around Africa are rife with sexually spread diseases.

Pack the condoms! Enjoy your holiday. If it happens, it happens.

Thanks for everyone's support and advice.

I'm back now - spent a week not talking to anyone apart from a token hola to housekeeping and restaurant staff!

So just like normal life (minus housekeeping) but in the sun.

Oh well.

Have you thought about Tinder?

You don’t need to travel somewhere to have a brief encounter with someone.

I am sorry you do not find anyone to press those magic buttons for you when you were away. But now you are back and given that you have asked the question, it’s time to move on and meet some special friends. At the end of the day women have needs and you are missing out.

Consider the on line way forward and joining new clubs/groups/classes.

Hi OP, if you're still there, I'm also HFA (well mixed functioning tbh) & similar situation.

What's happened lately for you? Any way forward??

I've been on dating sites for what seems like years. I very occasionally get propositioned, say in person, but it doesn't feel totally safe to do anything about it, as I can't be in charge & be sure I'll be able to direct scenario, pace, etc...even though I feel that I want to desperately.

Have you managed to find a solution? Or had any successful encounters? It's hard enough for anyone, but being autistic, with currently no friends, makes me unable to keep up social contact & skills, making it harder to know how to manage sex/relationship stuff!
It's pretty bloody sad to think I might not be getting into another relationship/ FWB etc situation ever! (I'm now 50).

I guess its all about initially finding an understanding FWB who can let you take things at your own pace and sense when some guidance from him is needed. Practice makes perfect i suppose.

Find a FWB. I’m a genuinely shy person but if I can find one then anyone can! This was
before I was married about 6 years ago and lasted about 6 months and we’d meet up for a shag every couple of weeks. Knew it was going nowhere but was still fun. Think we met on Tinder.

I have a FWB, I'd never have believed it would be my thing. I had very few sexual partners and none were very satisfying though I felt inside that I had a very naughty side. I met someone as a friend on POF, friends for about 5 months, then met for real and he was super experienced and totally lusted after me. He has taught me lots about sex and what turns me on, it's amazing having an attentive lover for the first time ever. I'm not sure I could go back to what I had before. I guess I'm saying this option is worth a real try.