I can’t climax

[Playitagainsammy]

I have never climaxed during sex with my husband, he has to perform oral on me before I climax, and since going through the menopause, I can’t even seem to do that either.

For many years, I have been masturbating to be able to climax however, I seem to be struggling with that too, and can only seem to get there if I’m watching porn, and I’m scared to watch it via the internet incase I see stuff that’s illegal.

I don’t tell my husband I masterbate and sometimes watch porn because I’m embarrassed, but I would really love to be able to climax with him again especially during sex.

I can’t go the the doctors with this as due to my occupation my employer gets access to my medical records every couple of years (I don’t want to say what I do ).

Does anyone have any ideas?

I think sexual health clinics are confidential so wouldn't show up on your doctors record (for your employer to then see!)

No idea other than that sorry 😐 x

Please do not feel embarrassed about watching porn as a woman. I know that porn is false, but why wouldn't someone find watching people having sex to be stimulating? There are many more women who like to watch porn than one might assume.

I think it would be a very good idea to lay your cards on the table with your husband. If there is one person in this world with whom you can be entirely honest, it really ought to be him. You have already told us, so take another step and confide in him. My partner and I often watch porn together, and it is usually at her instigation. I can assure you that there aren't many men around who wouldn't enjoy watching porn with their partners. I am pretty sure that he would love it, especially if it is suggested in a way that emphasises how much you again want to have orgasms with him.

If orgasms are problematical, then have you considered the use of vibrators, or other sex toys, as an aid to you having fun? Batteries last a lot longer than tongues, and him using one on you can be immense fun for him - it is definitely not a one-way street.

Are you on any depression meds by any chance?

Thanks for replying, I really should speak to him just need to pluck up the courage.

Stressedhead123 I’m not on any depression meds, but I am on HRT.

Do you think it could be because of the HRT?

Do you think it could be because you're feeling guilty of your solo sessions I.e. watching porn, only climaxing through solo and therefore a psychological block

Do you think you need more kinkier fantasies to climax and are concerned about that?

I’m not on any depression meds, but I am on HRT

Have you spoken to your doctor about this issue and are you being prescribed HRT by your GP or by a specialist? You may well need your HRT adjusted but if they don't know there's a problem they can't begin to try and help you.

Definitely speak to your husband as well. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. My wife has been through the menopause and experienced numerous issues sexually. We have made a lot of changes and adjustments but I couldn't even have begun to support her if she hadn't been open and honest with me. You might also get better MumsNet advice posting on the Menopause board than Sex.

I think many underestimate the very real effect menopause has on on libido.

I'm on hrt and strong medication but have always struggled to orgasm through sex. Masturbation and clitoral stimulation work for me but it all takes a long time. Lube and a vibrator is good.
I'm in a new relationship, as a middle aged woman I find it really frustrating that it takes such a long time. Most partners have been quite impatient, he's trying to learn but it's a real slog as my sensitivity is almost zero.
I cycle too which I think doesn't help.
Will watch this thread for guidance!

You might want to try this shower meditation. The idea is to get back in touch with your senses. To feel the body reacting to smells, to sounds, to feeling the sensations that water, soap, touch can have upon the body.
it is tantric so not to be rushed. Use it as a build up to having sex, either solo or with a partner.
Get those nerve ends tingling all over the body.

www.thewayofmeditation.com.au/blog/shower-meditation/

If you are struggling to climax and you are already om HRT ask your Dr about Tibolone,[Livial] it helps with libido and sexual problems

I’m scared to watch it via the internet incase I see stuff that’s illegal.

Unless you have a penchant for particularly young women, the odds of this accidentally happening are tiny coupled with the odds being tiny that you'd get into trouble anyway.

What occupation allows your employer free access to your medical records ?
Sorry but I'm an NHS precessional and I often work in a doctors surgery .
Because of this my records are password protected and only accessible via my named GP .
Even the receptionist can't find me on the system if I call up to make a routine appointment .
Your employer should not have access even if that person is your GP .
If your GP is your employer then change GP .
And professionally speaking why would your employer actually look ?
Very odd.

Re the employer thing - either go to the GP and ask about the HRT and get them to record it as that, but talk about the sexual issue; or go to a private GP and pay for a consultation.

I think reviewing the HRT is key here.

Also, the porn thing, pretty unlikely to stumble across illegal porn on a UK wi-fi, it's mostly blocked unless you do some odd techy stuff. Don't download anything, use an incognito browser so it doesn't show in browsing history.