Dom/Sub play for beginners

[Saddlerider]

My BF and I want to experiment with some dominance play. He’s already physically fairly dominant in bed but we now want to try me having my hands tied and some sensation stuff. Neither of us have done this with previous partners.

Does anyone have any suggestions for how to make this first time for us memorable without being too much too soon? Based on what he’s saying is going to work for him, I just need to lie there and enjoy what he’s going to do to me! Sounds fairly easy 😂 but I want it to be amazing for him too. Feels a bit alien to me that he’ll be getting off without me barely touching him.

Tips appreciated! Thanks

You may be able to find some ideas on websites like Fetlife. Depends on how far you want to take this D/s thing I suppose. It means different things to different couples.

There is a thread down below - Man's Request - it's about the man tied up but may gave you some ideas.
You say your hands will be tied but you don't say if you will be tied to something, the bed?, or your feet tied, blindfold? Tied down spreadeagled in an X shape is good.
He will get a lot of visual and sensual pleasure from pleasuring you, looking at you taking it all in, and watching your face and body react, and that's the point of teasing and/or BDSM however lite. And it's a nice feeling down below to have a hard on the whole time, resisting the temptation to ram it somewhere nice and shoot his load.
When he finally needs to ejaculate he has a few options - PIV, PIM, tribute wank over you, tit-wank. And depending how long the session is and other factors like age, recovery time, etc, he may be able to come more than once.

Have you agreed a 'safe' word, if you find that you are not comfortable and want to break the situation. I would want to do that at the start, long before there is any need for it.

Thanks for your input. I’ll definitely check out the other thread. I think I’ll just be hand tied, bed doesn’t have posts but I’ll also check out the ties that go under the bed. We’ve joked about a safe word but will have a proper conversation about it.

The handles on the side of mattresses are not for carrying the thing .... designed for this very purpose!

Use something soft as ties - with scissors handy just in case you need to stop in a hurry.

As anotherblokelurking posted, your BF will enjoy it seeing you enjoying it.

In your pre-session chat, decide whether you are allowed to say what's working for you, some proper dominates wouldn't allow it.

Relax into it - most of things I mentioned in the other thread work just as well with either sex. Have a lot of fun, I wish you both well. Good luck.

Thanks doughnutbits. Never knew that about the handles on mattresses

I think my BF will want verbal feedback I don’t think I’ll be banned from speaking. Looking forward to it!

@Saddle - that's NOT true on the mattress handles. They are there, bizarrely to help you carry the mattress Ive never seen any BDSM porn or done it myself spread out like a Vitruvian Man!

As for equipment - go down to DIY shop and buy any rope you fancy. A soft cotton is best for noobs but it MUST NOT be elasticated, like a bungee cord. Then it's wrists and ankles tied in such a way that the rope length go under the casters on each end of the bed. If the bed has legs - well you get the drift.

Sort out safewords. Be clear on what you will not do and ensure that he has it in his head.

Saddlerider. NC for obvious reasons. DH and I were a little like you and your DP. I think it is something to take gradually so one person doesn't go too far, and more than the other wants or feels comfortable with. Our experience was born out of taking it gradually, and not being really having planned to.

We started a bit as DH was getting more into whispering some stuff in my ear when in bed and playing and I surprised myself by finding it exciting. We had tried the usual things to spice things up, dressing up etc but one night unexpectedly he spanked me and I responded as though he was punishing me for being naughty. After this he did occasionally, just a few smacks etc but one night he had had a drink (not too much) and was also fairly aroused and whispered to me he was imagining I had been a naughty girl and he was going to punish me (yes I know!!). I was surprised I liked him saying and responded and said he should try and a week or so later he did. We went gradually but it ended up with him tying me to the bed (used the bed feet) and spreadeagled me, touching all the time and keeping me really aroused. I could see he was really hard and turned on ....and then he started the dirty talk in which he played that he had found out I had been flirting and being naughty with others and started smacking me gently but gradually increasing, keeping the dirty talk up all the time, telling me what I was ...well you can guess as a bit of TMI

Anyway...purpose of this is to try and go with what direction he tries to take it in, as long as you feel comfy doing, but you probably will if he keeps you in a high state of tension and arousal...and try not to give a response that may make him think you don't like it (unless you really don't). I couldn't even hold off and had a enormous orgasm before he even penetrated me...had three in total that night which is pretty amazing for me. Just found I enjoy playing being a naughty girl...probably as a result of everyone else things I'm a good girl and a bit posh😉😉😉😉😉. Good luck anyway and have fun

Another cold shower needed

I find you surprisingly quite offensive @lurking

@name that sounds like fun but.....It's also the start of a cucking fantasy. Be careful there...

Not sure what I've done or said to surprisingly quite offend you but I apologise, that was never the intention. If it's the cold shower post - someone (female) posted something similar in response to a post of mine on another thread and I thought it was funny; but perhaps a man saying it is not appropriate. If it was my first post, well OP did ask.

Yeah. Kinda squicked me.

Don't get me wrong, I think the sex board is fantastic and I think the male pov is utterly relevant on here. But as a Fetlife vet, I'm careful with what I say.

I know cold shower wasn't directed at me btw.

My comment about the use of mattress handles was meant to be a bit of humour. Obviously not! But ... the years will take their toll and the day will come when they will be very useful for tying up.

The best option is an iron bedstead, the sort the Victorians would've used. Perhaps they weren't as straight laced as we think.

Mention was made of porn. We found our imagination was adequate in the days before internet and easily downloadable stuff. namechangeyorkshire is the ideal way to start.

Always make sure that whatever is being used to tie up or tie down, can be undone by the person tied up. If using say a man's tie, or stockings or ribbons or rope, tie with an undoable knot and allow enough slack that the 'victim' can reach one end to undo it. Handcuffs should also be releasable or breakable. You can probably tell we've just watched Gerald's Game!

Have a proper, serious talk about it. Sort out your safeword (I recommend the word, safeword!). Be clear that it's utterance means play is stopped immediately, you are untied and aftercare commenced. Talk about what aftercare you want - wrapped up in blankets, cuddled, words of love, reassurance, hair stroking, tea making etc.

My boyfriend and I have always had amazing sex, we have been dating for 11 months which I feel is way too early to be thinking of spicing up our sex life considering it's so good, we have lots of it when together. At some point he started a threesome fantasy during sex, and I went along with it. I am heterosexual (at least I consider myself to be). With the fantasy going so well, boyfriend suggested that maybe we try finding a third (female) for a threesome. Apart from the fantasy, the thought of doing it for real does & doesn't really excite me. I am scared it will end our relationship. I thought maybe if we went ahead and had a threesome, it would be a one time experience but boyfriend wants to make it a once a week or twice a month thing. And how do we get this working, he wants us to get to know the third, (meet for like a three way date to see if we all connect, all this makes me uncomfortable and jealous at times). I feel like calling everything off, I feel we should just stick to the fantasy. He has said to me that if I don't want to do this, then we can stop now, but am also worried abt what it would mean for us (our sex life) after building up momentum for a threesome. Am so confused. Has anyone been through this, had a threesome that can advise please?

Sorry ignore my message, meant to be posting, just realised it has been posted as a comment and don't know how to delete it.