We haven't had sex for a month, maybe more

[louisebrownx]

Me and my partner have been together for 3 and a half years and we have a 15 month old together. Since having our baby, we barely have sex anymore. I think the last time we had sex was over a month ago. Sometimes it's even longer. Every night we are just so tired, we get into bed, turn over and go straight to sleep. Sex is the last thing I think about sometimes.

Other times, I think about it a lot and wonder why we don't do it and I notice we've stopped doing it. Is this a normal thing? I know that for a while when I was between contraception my hormones were all over the place and I really didn't want to have sex but I just feel like he's gonna end up going elsewhere if I don't give him it. He would never do that I mean, but sometimes I just feel like a really crap girlfriend because I'm not the girl he first met who had sex with him at any time of the day however many times we wanted.

Things have changed now and we don't have the time like we did. I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on how I can make our sex life a bit better?

Thanks in advance.

Welcome to parenthood! Things will improve, especially if you keep communicating. Have you told him how you are feeling?

Hey, yeah he feels the same way I feel. He's always saying that we never do it anymore etc. He has noticed it as well as I have so it's not just me I suppose. It's just difficult trying to keep that side of things going when you're just so knackered and have a little one between you all day long. Meh. I need to spice it up somehow because I do miss it.

You're doing fine, it seems to me. Your priorities have changed, quite rightly. And if you attempt to have sex more often without your heart really being in it, your partner cannot fail to notice. There's nothing sexier than enthusiasm! Many parents have much longer barren patches than one month and then later on resume regular sex, but once children are in the mix, sex is not likely to be as spontaneous as it was or as uninhibited.

With my ex we eventually went nearly 2 years with no sex of any kind. We did eventually start DTD but was a slow process. Rather than trying to DTD again straight away why don't you try getting your DP to relax and simply masturbate him in a loving way. Do that a few times then see if it is gradually getting you both wanting to go all the way again?

Having a child is a massive change and priorities adjust. Reduced time and energy levels, stress, feeling touched out etc can all contribute to a decline in sex. You shouldn't beat yourself up but it's good that you recognise it may need addressing. Personally, I'd focus on the foundations first. Make time for yourself as a couple, whether that's the occassional date night or just making sure you still have a chat and a laugh regularly. Also keep the intimacy alive - most people can cope with a short-term drop in sex but if the kisses and cuddles disappear too the realtionship can be very badly damaged.

Agree with last posting here. Gentle kissing can still keep things going. Also, sex need not be PIV. So many other ways to feel fulfilled together. Even now things are on track with DP we only go all the way maybe twice a month. The rest of the time is kissing/touching/me doing oral for him and it works really well for us as two people.