New guy problems with condoms

[YorkshireBelle3]

Hi!

Name changed as I'm a bit embarrassed!

Met a really nice man on OLD, been on a few dates, he stayed over this weekend and we DTD a few times. Well, we managed it until he 'finished' once but every other time he kept losing his erection almost as soon as I put the condom on. Getting him hard again is fine but it doesn't last with a condom!

He says that he just doesn't enjoy condoms but that we will look for a solution as he understands that not using condoms is totally out of the question at this stage for me.

He's mid 30s, fit and healthy as far as I'm aware.

Anyone got any advice??

Could the condom be too tight or too baggy?

They look a decent fit to me, he's not an unusual size either way down there.

Femdom

I'd advise a Femidom: because they are in you, and not on him, it simply doesn't matter if he should lose his erection. He can withdraw and you can do whatever needs doing to restore his hardness before he enters you again.

Another advantage is that you can wear it long before any sex begins, so there is no loss of the heat of the moment when you want him inside you.

Best wishes.

Are you on any other birth control? If so, the solution is a trip to the clinic. Tell him you don't like condoms either, and as soon as you've both been STD tested he can stop using them.

To be honest doing it multiple times in a single weekend is probably a bit much for someone his age. Let it build up more and he will stay harder for longer!

A bit much for someone his age? You make him sound 70!

A healthy bloke mid 30's should be able to go a few times?!

Thanks for that idea! I'd never even thought of femidoms! Don't think I've ever actually seen one tbh. Suppose you can put lube on his penis so it doesn't feel as much like rubber.

Yes, was also thinking that in my experience mid 30s blokes can usually manage a few rounds before collapsing!

Pallas to be honest I'm not ready to ditch condoms/ femidoms yet, it's early days to become exclusive for me even though I do like him.

He has erectile dysfunction.

I partially agree with kitty. This happening usually relates to erectile dysfunction with death grip and porn.

Death grip is a fallacy... It was invented by a journalist and has no scientific basis at all. A healthy man can masturbate and have sex interchangeably. It gets trotted out repeatedly on this site without thought whenever a guy can't maintain an erection.
It is ED and could be caused by a psychological reason, nerves, health reasons ( diabetes for example ). But most likely nerves / anxiety. If it continues being a problem you should suggest see his GP becuase you are worried it could be an underlying health condition, not listen to strangers on the internet blaming a non-existant internet myth.

RLD

Thanks RLD, I just learned something. I love this forum.

Starting to feel a bit sorry for this guy now! He has told OP his problem - he doesn't like condoms, he finds it hard to sustain an erection with a condom on - and here everyone is diagnosing his ED?!?!

Maybe he just hates condoms?

If it's nerves, give him a few things to do that aren't all about his penis. Let him touch you or go down on you. Stop him worrying about it.

@ Pallas ED is defined as difficulty in getting or maintaining an erection... Using that definition that is what this is. Doesn't mean that it isn't just nerves though. Every man alive will have had / has ED at some point in thier life. The curcumstances, age, experience level etc... Dictate whether it is something serious or just "normal" performance anxiety.

From personal experience ( and as an older guy ) I noticed it happening more often once I got past my mid forties. In my case I know I am overweight and don't exercise enough. Easy causes to address... But still ED. Strangely not an issue solo so much as with a partner so go figure... We all forget the importance of the mind in a man getting an erection. It is as important or more so than the mechanics of it.

Perhaps TMI so sorry if it is 😊

RLD

@Rockluvvindad great post, rmy first bout of ED started in late 30s. Men stress massively about their performance, can I get hard, am I big enough, what if I don't last long enough, what if I don't satisfy her, what if she wants oral and I can't please her, and so on and so on. Performance anxiety is very nasty and instrumental in causing ED and premature ejaculation.

Femdom

Perhaps even a sprinkling of Findom?

Condoms just kill sex for some guys, nothing whatsoever to do with ED or performance anxiety. It’s actually pretty common. One big reason is that, in intact men, they restrict the movement of the foreskin, decreasing pleasure and state of arousal, leading to loss of erection. It’s not rocket science.

@Christian77 This is certainly the case for me.

Even when I've tried the very latest, super thin examples, it diminishes the sensation to such a degree I simply feel so little, any arousal is lost.

There is literally no point having sex with them, as nothing will be achieved, no pleasure and certainly no orgasm. I'm best not bothering.

I've never had an orgasm wearing a condom, ever.