Is this normal?

[Wantapony]

Can't ask anyone IRL. Married a long time and a couple of things have always bugged me about our sex life. Firstly, DH will only have sex in the morning, never at night (I'm an evening person, frankly all I want in the morning is tea&toast!) Secondly, he has always refused to give oral sex, although he enjoys receiving it. When I've asked about both issues, he has always said he just doesn't want it any time except morning and he doesn't like the taste/sensation of giving oral.

I think oral is a normal thing. Plenty of women don’t give it.
I’d personally say if he’s not willing to give then neither am I and I’d stop giving oral back.

No idea about the morning thing though.

Thank you for replying and for your thoughts.

My DW isn't a morning person and only prefers it last thing at night - we're all different I guess.
As for oral, I'd not withhold giving just because you don't receive.Surely you only give because you enjoy doing so and not just for his benefit?

Thanks for the comments. You're so right that we're all different and I totally accept that. I suppose after so many years with sex only on his terms, it saddens me somewhat that he won't contemplate any changes to please me. Thanks, no easy answers to this I guess.

It’s funny how a bloke is saying it’s ok to be giving and go ahead and keep giving head when you never get oral yourself.

No, it could go either way - I genuinely wasn't thinking of it that way.

It was more the silly tit for tat mind games I was advising against.

If she enjoys doing it, why cut her nose off to spite her face and deny herself something she enjoys doing just to make a point?

Unless she doesn't really enjoy doing it and therefore should't be doing it in the first place, as surely it would;t be condoned to perform a s sexual act you don't enjoy?

If he doesn't like it, that's it. Same is if a woman didn't like or want to try anal - fine, that's it.

As for oral, I'd not withhold giving just because you don't receive.Surely you only give because you enjoy doing so and not just for his benefit?

How how naive!

Your DH basically said you taste bad This isn't going to end well

Previous partners are long in the past but he told me he refused to give head to any previous girlfriends after trying it. He just doesn't care for it apparently. I dont 'love' giving it, but enjoy giving pleasure.
To be honest, the mismatch in libido timings is more of a problem but I maybe there isn't an answer for that other than go with what DH wants there. Or go without which would be sad.

You could occasionally compromise on timings? If you’re compromising for him, he should for you sometimes too.

As for not giving head, my other half isn’t into that either. He finds it uncomfortable and just doesn’t enjoy it. I was gutted when he first admitted that, and he did say that he didn’t expect me to keep doing it for him. The difference is though that I do get something from it. Since telling me that, he’s done it for me once, and I didn’t enjoy it knowing that he wasn’t into it.

I'd talk to him about the oral thing and say it's been a long time and you would appreciate it if he tried again maybe try the 69 position as that's pretty fun.

Thanks folks for your thoughts, will consider everything.

DH will only have sex in the morning, never at night

He likely has borderline low testosterone. Men's testosterone levels peak for the day first thing in the morning because the hormone is mostly made while they sleep. This is also why men so often wake up with an erection.

It's quite common. About 38% of men have clinically deficient testosterone levels at age 45.

Male Hypogonadism

His doctor can check with a simple blood test. I went through this with my DH. He went on testosterone replacement using a transdermal gel and has been as right as rain ever since.

That's really interesting information thanks both of you. That hadnt occured to me but low testosterone could possibly be the reason for the mornings only issue-he is well over 50 and went on statins plus other preventative drugs for blood pressure about 10yrs ago. Maybe that could be it. I will talk to him and see what his thoughts are.

Here's the study that statistic came from

Prevalence of hypogonadism in males aged at least 45 years: the HIM study

The statin and antihypertensive meds wouldn't have an effect on libido, but some of the older BP drugs (the beta blockers) can cause ED.

The testosterone issue should get looked at regardless. Lots of studies show increased mortality from untreated low testosterone.

The implications of low testosterone on mortality in men

Good luck and do have a chat with him. It's probably best to frame it as concern for his long term health rather than a quick fix for his low libido.

Fantastic information, thank you so much.

You're quite welcome.

If you can get him to see his GP about it get the latest appointment in the day that you can so that the blood sample shows the deficiency.

When my DH started the testosterone replacement therapy the change was remarkable. Within two days his mood was much improved, he had more energy and his libido came roaring back. It was as if I had traded him in for younger version of himself.

Ooh-I like the sound of that!