6 weeks

[yellowsparkles]

6 weeks without sex from DP...he tells me its peaks and troughs and it's nothing to do with me he's just not interested...

6 weeks....

I'm finding it very hard with going without sex for so long and he knows it.

AMBU to be annoyed about this or does this happen? We've been together 2 years never had this long without sex

Peaks and troughs are real and a bit of a dry spell is nothing to worry about if it's a one-off.

Maybe he's worried about his erection performing when it's supposed to. You might like to initiate something that isn't penetration-based. Ask him to use his mouth or fingers on you.

Same boat but more years down the road and more long term. My DW knows it's causing issues too, despite lengthy and emotional heart to hearts.

Not sure whether annoyed is the best response, maybe concerned/frustrated/unhappy?

I can confirm it's utterly rubbish though.

@BusyDoingLittle I have done we had quite a dominant (him) and submissive (me) going on for a while and our sex life was amazing and when I mentioned it a few days ago he told me to "please myself" meaning sort myself out or use our vibrator. I'm devastated, he mostly spends each night falling asleep on the couch and then coming to bed, I feel like he doesn't even want to be near me. I've spoke to him about it and he says I'm over reacting.

I feel unattractive, unloved and pretty much useless as a girlfriend and lover.

It's not even about having sex just that intimacy. We were out tonight with friends , I again even hinted in the pub about sex and his response was "peaks and troughs I'm just not feeling it you know that"

How much longer am I expected to wait and when he finally does decide he wants to have sex am I supposed to be there at his beck and call. I'm upset, angry, put out...just generally feeling shit/ sorry for myself that my boyfriend has seemed to have lost all interest in me.

@ConfusedDH is the no sex coming from you or her?

From her - just gradually dwindled to nothing over the last 10 years, with a rather unfortunate but well meaning period of her just going through the motions, which didn't help matters.

Now in a marriage devoid of passion or intimacy.

I get a few pecks and the odd hug, still.

@yellowsparkels

"I feel unattractive, unloved and pretty much useless as a girlfriend and lover"

^Exactly how I feel and have felt for years now. It's getting old.

Partners do get bored with each other, by and large. The problem arises because they don’t get bored at the same time. This is life, this is relationships. This guy’s trough would quickly turn into a peak if an opportunity arose with a leggy blonde up for some fun. Some couples roll along quite happily without mutual sex, but with some outside action fulfilling the other requirements. Best of both worlds.

@Christian77

Thank you for implying he is having an affair. He is not.

I did not imply he was having an affair, but I did suggest there was nothing wrong with his libido, not really.

I think affair too. Although they can make sex more frequent in a marriage

Once again everything is blamed on an affair.
Oh dear lordy

He is not having an affair. We've spoke about it again today and in all honesty I think he's suffering from mild depression- not just the lack of sex but he said himself he's just not motivated for anything right now - he got quite upset and reassured me it was nothing to do with me in any way shape or form. I believe him cause I love him and trust him and I categorically know he wouldn't cheat on me. He doesn't hide his phone, never late home from work or disappears randomly with bizarre excuses nothing out of the ordinary art at all.

I'll encourage him to talk to GP and take it from there. Thank you to those for the incredibly helpful posts that did not imply or say he is having an affair.

Perhaps you being dominant would perk him up? He may find it easier to relax, go along for the ride, and have you dictate the play, for a change.