Girlfriend has herpes.

[983newname]

Hi

I just name changed and reset my password as I haven’t been on for so long to do this post as I just need some advice .... and ironically, the first post I’ve seen is similar to mine.

My girlfriend of 8 years recently found out she has herpes. There’s no doubt about the trust side of things, it’s either from her ex who used to cheat a lot and had multiple STI’s (although their relationship ended very soon after my gf found this out)

Or it’s from 3 years ago when she had un protected sex to TTC. This was with someone we knew at the time and I also was involved and didn’t catch anything (that I’m aware of) (same sex couple I should’ve mentioned )

Anyway, everything online has been conflicting; most sources say you can’t catch it unless the sores are present, but others say you can.

I haven’t wanted sex since we found out and I feel so horribly guilty. She’s feeling shit enough about it as it is.

The clinic refused to test me unless I have symptoms , which I don’t. I’ve ordered a blood test kit online.

Wondering if anyone had any similar experiences and how you dealt with it?

I know that after 3 or 8 years of unprotected sex I’m likely to have caught it, and if the blood test says I’m clear then i need to get over my reservations.....

I read on the other thread someone said they wouldn’t touch the bloke with a barge pole, but she’s my long term partner and I shouldn’t be feeling like this.

It would be quite difficult without gentital to genital contact. You could get cold sores for example. But yes the virius can be present without symptoms. Its also possible but unlikely that you had 1st and gave it to her.

Contact the Herpes association people. They are brilliant. Reassuring and chock full of facts, not the sort of hysterics here-say you might find elsewhere.
herpes.org.uk/

Thank you, didn’t see this website when I was googling recently

Thanks, well we have had a lot of that in the past so I’m guessing I could’ve got it quite easily if it’s infectious without sores present. I don’t honestly think I gave it to her unless I’ve not had any symptoms for 11 years (including her and my long term ex) so frustrating not knowing where it’s from

I've dated a guy who got it from his ex. It is less likely to catch it when sores not present but not impossible. However, it doesnt have to be a big deal at all. I was with my bf 4 years and never got it- this was 10 years ago so am 100% I never got it. We just always used protection and if he had the 'warning tingle' we didnt do anything til it was clear. It was not an issue. If you did get it, it is not so bad either. Not ideal but certainly not the end of the world, more of an annoyance than anything else. And as someone else said, it could be you who is the carrier and gave it to her. Either way, it is nobodies fault so please don't worry or stress, either of you. Tell her this too. Give it time and I'm sure things will get back to normal xxxxxxxx

Also feel free to pm me if you have questions etc

Thanks Hamster. Being lesbians we have never used protection so I’m either going to be very very lucky ... or not. I still need to do the blood test to find out for definite , it’s just sitting in my post box thing.