How risky is it to have sex with someone who has Herpes?

[AintNobodyHereButUsChickens]

I have a FWB who unfortunately contracted Herpes about a year ago. We have not had sex since long before he caught it so I'm okay. I got tested as soon as he told me and I'm clean. His condition has calmed down a lot now and apparently he gets a small (like 2-3 blisters) flare up approx once every 2 months or so. Google is unhelpful, some sites say no definitely not, no more sex ever again and some say it's fine as long as you DTD during a quiet period when there are no blisters. Apparently condoms do not stop you from catching it because it affects the pubic region and not just the genitals.

How risky is it to have sex with him when he's not having a flare up? Obviously I absolutely won't if there's even the smallest risk but I just thought I'd do some research. I'll be a bit gutted if I can never DTD with him again because he was the best shag I've ever had :o but obviously my health comes first!

There wil always be a risk,
The virus can be present when there are no symptoms.

You may of course catch it from someone else in the future but the only way to guarantee you dont catch it from this guy is not to sleep with him!

If he has sores every couple of months then that seems quite severe? I’m sure I’ve read about people who only have outbreaks every few years.
Unfortunately I think there will always be a small risk of catching it even without any sores present so you’d have to weigh it up I guess.
Least he was honest with you, I’ve also read stories of people on here keeping it quiet!

I have Herpes and I have unprotected sex regularly with my partner (our/his choice, he knows all about my Herpes) for the past 5 months.
We don't have sex if I'm having an outbreak and he's not had an outbreak in that time but he may well have already caught it and it's lying dormant.

Like previous poster said there is no guarantee that you won't catch it off another partner in the future something like 1/4 people have it and many don't realise.

I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole.

Far more people than you realise actually have it. There is a slight risk associated with it when he's not having a flare up, but not a big one.

If he's having flare ups every two months that's quite unusual, he should go back to the gp for a long term course of anti virals

I agree with userplus. It is not the fact that he has it that would bother me at all but the fact that the flare ups are so often. Once every two months really is very frequent.

I caught Herpes from my former wife, but did not realise that I had until I had been in my current relationship for about 10 years. So my current partner and I have been having unprotected sex for the past 15 years. She has yet to show any evidence of contracting the virus. We do not have sex during any of my thankfully rare outbreaks.

As another poster has said, about 20-25% of people are believed to have it without knowing about it. Apart from people like Aquamarine 1029, who judge us without being aware of facts, having Herpes is not much of a big deal at all.

Hi

I just asked a similar question although it’s my long term partner who has it . I don’t know what to do about it either, at the moment my sex drive is zero

Thanks everyone that's really helpful. So you'd say the risk is fairly minimal once he's stopped having breakouts so often? I haven't spoken to him about it for ages actually so they may have slowed down by now. And I agree, I am glad he told me. I get so angry when I hear of people having unprotected sex and quite happily spreading their STDs around He is an all around good egg and to top it all off he's fantastic in the sack ;)

Yes I would say once breakouts are less frequent then risk is low as long as in you don't have sex during a breakout.

herpes.org.uk/
Are the people yiu should
Contact. If he's having that many flare ups he should be taking daily anti vitals.good luck

Risk minimal if no sores present but not impossible. Use protection and avoid if they feel that 'warning tingle' like with a mouth cold sores. As for regularity, if it is all the time they can get antivirals but the virus tends to wind down over time.

Please don't worry too much about it. Herpes is a bugger but it is not the end of the world, an annoyance at the most. I was with a guy for 4 years who had it, it was never a problem, we were sensible and I never got it. Even if I had, it wouldn't have been the worst thing in the world and I was prepared for that, but it didnt happen.

If you like and trust this person, just have normal protected sex when he is clear of a flare up and try not to worry.

OP I do not know the risks but on this one I would not rely on MB users of unknown qualifications. Just too much to lose. I would seek professional advice/information and if there is no clear answer then I would just not take the risk. Sorry can't be more helpful than that. But bloody hell, I would not want herpes.

I wouldn't touch him with a bargepole. Herpes is nasty, can be recurrent and extremely painful. It can lie dormant and can be spread easily.

SmishSmash thank goodness the OP can go to the Herpes Assoc for proper chat and info. They will tell you how many people
Have herpes without even knowing it (did you know fine example there are two types and you can pass th lip version easily to someone through oral sex so they get it 'down there'? Think how many people you know who get cold sores. Would you shun them? They'll
Allso tell you that in some ways you're safer with someone who has herpes because the risks are known. Go out there and have sex with someone who looks nice and clean and boom! You could
Just as easily get it.
Sorry - I don't have herpes myself but know people who do and have made it my business to get educated and shake off a few silly prejudices

I might also add my OH has mouth cold sores (the same thing essential). I've been married to him 25 years and haven't yet caught a cold sore anywhere. Because we know when to avoid oral
Or kissing. Should
I have avoided him with a barge pole? I do t think so!
So in summary cold sores can be caught in two places and transfer between the two. Just knowing your OH has them protects you

See, I know Herpes is a different kind of STD to, say, Chlamydia, but I didn't know much about it which is why I decided to research it and ask some questions. I had Shingles last year which is also a form of Herpes, it's the Zoster virus. My husband didn't immediately banish me from the house because of it, he ferried me from endless hospital appointments and A&E trips (it was a while before anyone realised what was wrong with me, it took a trip to a burns unit and a CT scan before I was diagnosed!) and spent just short of £100 on prescriptions for me.

I'm learning that Herpes is not a death sentence, it just requires you to understand about it so you can be safe! Knowledge is power and all that!

You have a husband and a FWB, perhaps your husband should also have a say in what risks you take.

Shingles is the herpes virus but nothing to do with STDs. Chicken pox is varicella zoster but we don't think kids have STDs.

He does have a say Screamer, we're discussing it together and weighing up the risks. I guess you assumed I was cheating on him?