No sex - almost five years

[MrsCatE]

That's it really. He won't talk about why. Watched "Wanderlust" today and sobbed on so many levels - he didn't even notice I'd left room. I know I am attractive however, have always tried to make any other male interaction on buddy levels. One of the programme triggers was injury; I've had multiple invasive operations over the last five years because of trauma and injury. Husband has been marvellous. However, just like this episode, I have been rejected when trying to reinstigate sex - we used to be at it at like rabbits! No point talking about it because he just shuts down. So as usual, we're in seperate rooms. Even more embarrassing when we go away (very rare) and have to share a bed. Anyone else managed to resurrect a sex less marriage of five years? I don't even w*nk. Rejection has killed all that but I'm willing to try also, miss human contact!

Sorry, should have clarified issue last five years - aligned with my initial surgeries but married for - initially rampant - 20 years.

If he isn't willing to talk about it and shuts you down, then I would suggest he has a problem and it's not your doing.

How come you are in separate bedrooms?

Thanks for reply Noego. Started off because of chronic pain following initial surgery; seemed very unfair to subject him to my moans, groans etc. when he had to get up for work. Sometimes, I woke myself up with my (pain induced) moans despite morphine! He has taken everything on board - everything related to family life and been amazing. I'm just sad we don't have that connection anymore - last time I attempted to cuddle him (trip away, hence shared bed) he acted startled / horrified. We only talk if I instigate it. I tried tonight but I just talk, cry and he doesn't say why no sexual contact. To questions he answers loves me / no one else / not secretly gay. TBH - been so long living like this can obviously live without sex but need some adult, human contact!

I'm just sad we don't have that connection anymore - last time I attempted to cuddle him (trip away, hence shared bed) he acted startled / horrified. We only talk if I instigate it. I tried tonight but I just talk, cry and he doesn't say why no sexual contact.

From what you've said, and he states he's not gay, and there is no one else then it has to be psychological. If he won't talk to you, then he is unlikely to talk to a therapist.

Does he fly solo? Can he get erections? Is it a matter of being use to sleeping on his own and doesn't want to share a bed? A kiss and a cuddle now and again is not beyond the anyone. Do you kiss each other goodbye? Do you give each other a hug outside of the bedroom? Hold hands across the sofa whilst watching telly? Do you talk about everyday things?
Have you asked him outright...Do you fancy me?

And what about your own sexual urges. How would you describe them?