New relationship - 7 months. Would you stay with someone with premature ejaculation? Tried lots

[Redfox]

Met a lovely man online and been together for around 7 months. However we have had issues with sex from the start. He is 53 and divorced with 2 teenage children. He has not had an active life for around 10 year and I suspect that he has had premature ejaculation on and off for most of his life. He lasts for around one or two thrusts - 10 seconds or so. He says he just can not tell if he is on the brink of ejaculation or not as it just happens.

We have tried lots - we start slowly and used thick condoms. No luck. He has been to the Doctors and was prescribed an SSRI Fluxetine as it meant to help to delay ejaculation, Nope it did not work! We have tried the exercises - stop-start technique. I suppose we have been rather lacklustre and not very regular in doing them so we try them again. He admits he does not have the drive or inclination to masturbate on his own to do them.

I know there are many ways to have sex and we have explored them all and he is considerate in that respect. I just prefer good old PIV sex.

In other ways we get on very well and I enjoy being with him and he has talked about us having a future but this lack if sex for me is becoming a bit of a issue. Do I just accept that sex is now cuddles and mutual masturbation and this is my relationship or break away now? I am 50 so not a spring chicken. I am aware that I could be throwing something away with real potential ( over sex ! )and then struggle to meet anyone else. Christ online dating was tedious enough.

What would you do?

Is he able to take a 20-30 min break after the first orgasm and then get hard again for round 2?

We have managed to try once or twice again and the same thing happens unfortunately

Have you tried something around the base of his penis, restricting but not stopping blood flow?

I suppose I am asking for viewpoints about carrying on with this short relationship really as opposed to looking for methods to try for his premature ejaculation. (We have tried many things) In other ways he is a lovely partner and I care for him a lot.

Anyone been a similar situation? Am I being stupid for thinking of ending things? I am aware I may not meet anyone else. Maybe I should post this in a different area on Mumsnet?

Just thinking out loud...

1. What are your chances of finding the perfect partner (as in as good as what you have now but the sex is awesome too)? Honestly, based on all of your past relationships and your recent experience of internet dating?

1. Would you swap what you have for a relationship that is not so good but one where the sex is awesome?

(Please don’t write yourself off at 50 btw - you are as young as you feel).

I guess it depends on what your priorities are.

I don’t know much about it but I’d guess that fixing premature ejaculation is easier than ED or any other similar issue.

My DH is a premature ejaculator and we have made our relationship work, even though PIV sex was, and is very important to me.

When we got together sex was a huge priority for me, and he was truly hopeless at it. I liked men that were well-endowed, dominant, and had great stamina. My DH was small, very gentle, and had chronic PE. First time we were sexual with each other he came as soon as I touched his penis. Not just a little bit either. It was like a sperm fountain.

So how could it work?

It worked because we made it work. We worked hard on that side of our relationship. I loved him so much that I never once thought that we would not be together. My feelings for him were so strong that even when I was at peak sexual frustration, I never thought of leaving him.

Do you love this man in the same way OP?

Did he have the same issues in his marriage? You've tried lots but say he is reluctant to masturbate. Surely he needs to try this

I don't think any of us can really answer your question though. It's really down to you. If it were early days and you aren't madly besotted then I would call it a day.

I agree that it is really your decision and understand that a decent sex life is important. One issue is that if he wasn't having sex for 10 years and then starting again might not be helping and could take time. Maybe having it more frequently if possible, but without putting pressure on may help as the relationship is still fairly new and I guess some excitement for him. No personal experience of someone that age but I guess that trying for a second time 20 mins or so after may not work as it seems older guys are less able to quickly get an erection again.

But yes, 50s is not the end of the world so if it is not right for you then end it before you get too attached

Good luck

He admits he does not have the drive or inclination to masturbate on his own to do them.

Well this tells you everything you need to know about his commitment to your relationship.

I can recommend this oral tablet: www.doctorfox.co.uk/news/premature-ejaculation-and-priligy/ They work for me, no messing around with ointments and sprays - and available on prescription through the GP.

One thing though is this comment (the gist of which you see quite a lot on here): 'In other ways, we get on very well and I enjoy being with him and he has talked about us having a future'. I don't doubt this is true as you say it is, but I've found over the years that you can't compartmentalise and draw lines around areas in a relationship. Having different forums on Mumsnet for Housekeeping and Sex is obviously organisationally inevitable. In life, it doesn't work quite like that. So it's not 'just sex'. Sex obviously isn't everything in the longer term, but it is a baseline in a relationship and getting right for both parties (within reason) affects how you relate to a partner, how relaxed you feel in their presence, the ability to make decisions without bringing other disagreements etc etc. So there is that consideration in, to use that overused expression, 'going forward'.

My DP is also somewhat of a premature ejaculator, though admittedly he does last a minute or so rather than 10 seconds. I knew this as soon as we started having sex. We've made it work by using sex toys and having more foreplay so I am able to come too.

Is this something you could try?

But to specifically answer your question I would and did stay with him