Partner shushed me during sex

[Hmmreally]

Nc for this because it's embarrassing. Been on here a while and had some great advice in the past.

I've been with my partner for around 14 years. Our relationship is normally really good and equal, just as a bit of background.

Last night we were having sex, I don't always orgasm from penetrative sex and we like to mix it up a bit. So we stopped penetration on and he used a toy on me while masturbating himself. When I orgasmed and he wasn't there yet but nearly, I said do you want to be inside me? AND he shushed me!

Wft?! I was/am really pissed off about this. He said its just because he was in the moment concentrating on coming. But I feel firstly it's rude and disrespectful. I also feel its important no matter what stage to be able to communicate as it could have been something regarding consent / being uncomfortable.

So it's a bit of a AIBU to be upset and angry about this?

Anyone? I thought about putting this in AIBU but didn't know if it was appropriate?!

Have to talked to him about it?

It does seem odd, instead of a 'yes' or 'no'.

Yes I did talk to him. I said what I said in my post basically. He did apologies but I feel he didn't really get it. So I just the doubted if I was being unreasonable or over reacting.

I think he was lost in the moment and didn't want to stop, don't worry about it.

Vicky
You're probably right. It just didn't feel OK.

I think you are overreacting. Consent is a red herring here, as is sex tbh. You just seem annoyed he was rude. Would you have posted this if he shushed you in Tesco whilst he was looking at something. No you would have told him he was being rude and got on with things.

He was on the verge of orgasm, and you have distracted him and the best his brain could muster was a noise, give him a break. He has apologised. If he was doing something that required your consent or you had intimated you wanted him to stop that’s different. But that’s not what happened.

I'm not sure as a man you should be telling me where consent is a red herring.

Having sex with somone is in no way the same thing as being next to someone in tesco.

I’m just saying that from what you are saying I don’t see why this is being made a consent issue. If he shushed you after asking him to stop or saying you don’t like what he is doing, or if there was any indication that you were uncomfortable with the situation then it’s a consent issue. But you suggested doing something which wasn’t what he had in mind. So he shushed you, which was rude. In my opinion, which is what you were asking for to me it seems you are more annoyed either that he didn’t like your suggestion, or that he was rude.

I said do you want to be inside me?
^ I think this made it pretty obvious it wasn’t a consent issue!

DownAndUnder, if this is your biggest relationship problem then your winning.

Agree with User1011. Seems a total non issue to me too

It would have pissed me off too.

Wouldnt give it a second thought tbh