Worried about sex post childbirth triggering rape flashbacks

[Spanglyprincess1]

Getting to point I'm healed and partner is interested in raining our sex life but I'm nervous. The only time I've expireneced flashbacks to rape was when I've felt very uncomfortable during sex either clostraphobic or not fully enjoying the expirenece. I'm seriously worried about this happening during sex now I've had a baby, as I'm nervous about sex post baby anyway as i had several stiches and surgery post delivery.

Any advise or did anyone have similar?
My partner knows about my history and is lovely tbf but I'm really freaked out, which is unusual for me.

Lots of lube! So sorry to hear you have experienced this. Use loads of lube and have him take it slow, very loving, lots of reassuring and kissing etc works for me when i feel emotionally or mentally vulnerable. No idea if it will help but all the best x

Just an idea and maybe not your thing! We bought a board game called Monogamy - it has three stages of ‘heat’ type thing. It basically gets you talking, comfortable, kissing etc then ramps it up. This may be fun as it eases you into sex and will hopefully take your mind off the other things going on. Like the other poster suggested, lots of lube and go slow

Thank you. I talked to dp about how worried I am and why, despite me finding it awkward. He's been lovely and said there is no pressure at all and we can just stop or leave it for now. It's helped. The advice has been helpful on here - I heard about the lube esp as I'm breastfeeding!

Tbf it could help to just put sex out of your mind altogether and focus on being close, might just come back more naturally then.

I get a great deal of comfort from skin to skin contact with the guy im seeing. It relaxes me a lot. Focus on just being close, touching gently, etc. I coukd happily spend hours getting lost just being physically close. Its a really nice feeling.

Some people get a lot from verbal reassurance. If im feeling really vulnerable it helps a lot if he actually says nice things to me too.

The fact that you acknowledge how you feel, have talked about things with your man, and are tackling it head-on means you are doing everything possible at this stage for a successful resumption of your sex life. The only other thing you could do is bring it up with a professional counsellor - did you have any help after the rape, and could you access it again?

Best wishes.

No I didn't as I was 16 so it was half a lifetime ago and generally I function perfectly fine. I am aware of triggers for me and so work around those.
Thanks for all the advice and kindness. My partner has made me feel a bit more reassured