If DH fantasized about a threesome with you and your sister...

[Ventiamore]

Would you be worried?

We've been having a few difficult months due to poor behaviour of dh in the past which has reared its head recently, and have been trying to connect now that the kids are a bit older and not as dependent. Talk came round to sexual fantasy, and he came out with that one, which actually has made me feel very vulnerable.

Neither my sister nor myself are supermodel types, have different hair, personalities etc, both overweight, her more so than me, so I don't think it's a looks thing. Previously I had no problem with them doing kid stuff together when I'm not there, for example, but this unsettles me now I know he has fantasized about her sexually. She's friendly towards him and it is reciprocated, on a bad day and being uncharitable I might think she'd be interested in dh because we have more money and a more comfortable lifestyle, which she would prefer to hers at the moment. I'm not saying any of that in a derogatory way, but I do feel that in a perfect storm situation that's how she could think, as she and her dh are also having relationship issues and she knows all about our issues.

When I expressed my unease, dh said it was just a silly fantasy about sisters, nothing in it at all. Is that a thing? Am I just overreacting because the past has made me uneasy, or am I right to not be comfortable with that thought in his head?

I think that’s highly inappropriate on his part.

I don't think it is appropriate at all and I would imagine will make you feel uncomfortable him being around your sister etc.

What I'm not clear about is whether you would be willing to try a threesome, but it not involving your sister, or whether you were just enjoying some fantasy in bed. I would suggest you don't bring other people into your sex life as I think it will all end in tears as jealousy is a very powerful emotion. I can't imagine how I wouldn't get jealous seeing my husband having sex with another woman.

Suggest you stick with fantasy in the bedroom which can be very much fun (as long as it doesn't involve your sister!)

I totally agree it's inappropriate, and there's no way I'd even contemplate something like that. But once knowing how he has thought about it, it's stuck in my head making me feel uncomfortable about them being together.
We'd not been discussing a threesome, it had been more along the lines of me wondering what his previously unmentioned 'interests' were (and we hadn't really discussed this kind of thing before), so while I wouldn't have been surprised if he had mentioned a threesome, it was the fact he mentioned my sister that completely turned me off. I don't get how he ever thought that would be a good idea to mention. Saying you'd fantasized about sex with a close family member who you see and spent time with regularly seems so spectacularly insensitive at the very least.

That would be The End for me because it would turn my stomach.

It may be just a 'silly fantasy' that he'd never want to act upon, but he should realise that some things don't translate well to reality and should stay in the realm of his imagination. By telling you he's crossed a boundary and made it seem bit more 'real'. Ugh.

I would not be able to look at him the same way again.

It would make me furious. I find it difficult to believe that any man would be so clueless and insensitive to share such a fantasy with his DW. What a knob.

Nobody should ever, ever, ever share fantasies they might have about their DP's siblings or close friends. It's either clueless, or manipulative.

It's a very common fantasy. He's a bloody idiot for verbalising it though because it's always going to sound icky as fuck to the person who actually has the sibling.

I occasionally used to fantasize about a threesome with my ex and his son (mid 20s) but I would NEVER have told him that, I mean why would you?!

I can only speak for myself but I would never have attempted to put the moves on my ex's son. I would also NEVER try to poach a man off my sister so unless there's some sort of history of your sister acting this way towards you I wouldn't worry about leaving the two of them alone.

Luckily there's never been any kind of dodgy behavior towards me by my sister, so I hope you're right ford. And if it's a common fantasy I guess it's not potentially as worrying. Still won't feel comfortable leaving them alone chatting for a while though.
What did you mean by manipulative DadJoke?

@ventiamore By manipulative, I I mean if it was a part of a pattern of behaviour to make your feel insecure (or lower your self esteem). So, if he says other thing to belittle you, there is a chance it's part of a campaign. But you have much better context for that.

Most men think about different people during sex. Whether it be your sister, his secretary or Emily Blunt.

He’s a bloody idiot for telling you. What was he thinking??

He shouldn't have told you. Now, how can you trust him?
How is their relationship in general and do you trust her?

It's probably a pushing the boundries fantasy rather than any real desire to shag you and your sister. Something different but safe .The same as one actually wanting to be raped but it still being a common fantasy.

Maybe if you can up with something a bit " alternative" it might help you both move on?
If you think he might actually fancy your sister ( and want to have sex with her alone) that's a different issue.

I had a guy tell me once he has a fantasy to sleep with his own sister. He doesn't have a sister, but thats his fantasy. He was a bit odd.

I doubt he fanices your sister, have you ever had concerns he has a thing for your sister, my view is he has a fantasy about sisters, could be any sisters, it seems to be a popular one!

He probably shouldn't have told you but I guess you were being open and discussing things, so he felt he could without being judged??

(I don’t fantasise about other women while we are actually doing it, I prefer to be in the moment) You don’t fantasise about having sex with the OH missionary in bed at bed time. Fantasies are supposed to be outrageous disgusting impossible illegal and yes men fantasise about threesomes usually MFF and yes, your best friend or spicier still, throw in some incest, your sister or mother, or daughter, and of course you both become rampant experienced bi-sexuals and do all the best girl on girl stuff and we get to have a dozen 12 inch erections and gallons of ejaculations taking you both in every oriface going. Would we do it for real? Er, no.

Well, anotherblokelurking, not sure my fantasies are illegal or disgusting, so that's probably why I thought this one was a bit inappropriate. As I said, MFF fantasy I would expect. Not so much one involving a close family member who we both regularly see. That just seems insensitive and personally rude (as in offensive). I'm pretty sure he'd feel weird if I said the same about his brother we see every week. I didn't judge about other stuff he said, but this one was way too close to home. I know I'm not explaining it v well, but for him to say that makes me think he's thought about having sex with her before (not necessarily as as threesome), which I find rather offensive.

pudding21 I haven't had that kind of vibe from her, though she'd probably have the sense to keep it to herself if she was fantasizing about shagging my husband! That's so weird about the guy and his (non existent) sister! I can't understand that mindset.

Sorry Ventiamore, I was a little insensitive there; I was responding to another post and lost sight of your original and your concern. Whilst my DW (2nd) accepts that when you are in a relationship there's no magic switch you flick so you suddenly stop fancying people, especially if you have a "type", and it works both ways - and whilst I might occasionally admit to fancying a celeb, I would never tell her if I fancied her sister (I don't anyway!) or friend or a work colleague, and certainly wouldn't say if I fancied a threesome with any of them. I don't know how the conversation with you and your OH started or the tone of the voices, etc, but yes it was inappropriate and a bit stupid to mention it. As for whether you OH would ever do anything such as make a pass at your sister (or vice versa) I'm thinking there's a 99% chance nothing will ever happen. Unfortunately the seed has been planted in your head now and will take some time to subside, but try not to let it eat away at you.