Husbands mood is totally dependent on how much sex he has

[coffeenwine]

Its driving me crazy. After about a week (this week is was a day) if he doesn't have sex and or feels rejected, he sulks. For days. Like a child, We go round and round in circles with discussions about it...

Any wise advice?
Thanks!!!! 😄

Do you have a miss matched sex drive?

I'm not condoning sulking, but if there's a miss-match, he might be feeling unfulfilled and frustrated.

My ExH was like this, I found the sulking very unattractive. Note the Ex part. Despite lots of talking nothing ever changed.
It all reached a head when I became unwell and in too much pain to have sex so he found someone else.

My ex husband was like this too, it became a regular thing and eventually I didn’t want sex at all. Now I’m older my sex drive is higher and I get moody if I don’t get it more than once a week (which is hard when your single)

Just sounds like you have different sex drives, his is high whilst yours is lower and I understand that him pestering puts more pressure on you and then you won’t want it anyway.

Oo... ominous that you guys had this with exes!!

Familymanhusband, our sex drives have been different since the kids, we've talked about this loads as Im convinced its temporary while the kids are so demanding. We had similar ones before, and its not like we dont have sex. Its prob between 2-5 times a month...**

We just seem to go round in circles with the chat about it...

Thanks for your posts

By the way, Loancatwithkitten, sorry it ended like that for you!

We're all different with different drives and what one person considers plenty, another considers a drought.

For example, 2-5 times a month is what I'd consider unsustainable yet for you that's enough.

All I can offer is not to underestimate the frustration, torment, perceived rejection and lack of fulfilment that can arise when a partner feels like their sexual need are not being met by their partner.

Neither of you are in the wrong, and to sulk, whilst not in any way helpful or attractive, is likely a symptom of his inner feelings which must not be dismissed as trivial and something he should 'get over'.

To him, it's likely a very real problem, as it is for you from the other side of the situation.

Managing mis-matched drives is super tough. I'm the high drive one in my relationship and, while I make an effort to control it, I am more irritable and easier to annoy when we haven't had sex for a while. I also like DP less!

However, we manage it pretty well these days. It took a while for DP to really understand how important sex is in a relationship for me, but him understanding that helped. Often, for high drive people, it really isn't just about getting off, it is the intimacy that is really craved. For me, sex is the primary way in which I give love and feel loved.

The other thing I did was to ask him to simply say 'yes' a bit more often, he enjoys it when we get started, but getting him started is more tricky than it is for me, him agreeing to being a bit more open to me getting things started has helped a lot. I also pay an awful lot of attention to the things that put the brakes on for him, try to limit these when I can.

The final thing I do is to drop 'hints' through the day that I'd like sex at some point. It seems to go better if it isn't a surprise!

It’s pretty common for female sex drives to increase as we get older and for men’s to lessen. I hear many story’s of women wanting it more often then there man. I know mine was much lower in my 20’s and is now much higher in my 30’s.

I must say I'm female and it's the intimacy for me and I get crabby after three days .

To me it's feeling fancied, desired, important and sexually needed that is the itch that needs scratching.

I can give myself orgasms until the cows come home - that's not what I need.

I need to be emotionally stirred with some gold old fashioned passion, need, desire and naughtiness - the sort that differentiates a mother from a sexual woman.

A sexy look, a twinkle in the eye, a cheeky flesh of something, a sultry expression, some come to bed eyes - anything!

I agree with the comments about being fancied and desired. It's very important and makes you feel happy about yourself. Unfortunately I am in a marriage where my DW never initiates sex. I don't mean rarely, I mean never. It wasn't an issue when we were young and childless as my advances were never rebuked. Now she would rather send an email or wash the kitchen floor than make an effort to be intimate with me. Making the first move and initiating every time wears me down. We discuss it and she says she will make an effort but never does. I am going to stop bothering to see if that has any effect. That affects my mood. Not saying your OH is the same but he may well look forward to some intimacy at the weekend but if nothing happens the thought of another week of work before another opportunity arises is enough to make him sad and angry!

Do you think sex counselling would help? I think this is a case of mismatched sex drives. 2-5 per month would not be a enough for a lot of people but, enough for some.