Warning: I don't believe there is such a thing as TMI on the Sex topic but this is a rather graphic post!
This year I learned to have an orgasm in a different way than I'd ever done it before - having had just one way for almost 40 years, which prevented anyone else getting involved. I was ridiculously proud of myself 
Allow me to recommend this lovely thing tracey cox bullet . The first time I used it I probably spent 45 minutes just playing around - definitely on my own. I didn't orgasm but I had a good feel around. I had an odd experience of feeling inside myself, feeling that I wanted to bear down (as if doing a poo) and then stopping myself doing that because I was afraid of wetting the bed... all without any real conscious thought, I prevented my own body moving on towards orgasm. So the next time I put a towel down to try and feel a bit more comfortable. Had another go and after about half an hour I did actually have an orgasm. These days it's down to ten minutes - not that I'm counting.
The technique that eventually worked for me was to use it like a finger as if I were stroking first a kitten under the chin, and then as time went on, a more robust cat 
I used it all over the place and that was nice. I certainly needed to fantasize as well though I think now I've learned how, I could probably do without. But why would I - it's fun!
It's obviously easier for me because I knew how to have an orgasm in itself. But I had no idea how to do it with any direct contact, and it felt really different except right at the end.
Afterwards I felt a bit of a twerp that I'd never given myself the time to have a go at this while I was married - I'd always given myself perhaps ten minutes tops, with or without toys, and if getting nowhere I just stopped. i felt bad both for dh and for myself. All a bit sad. Ask yourself, what would your dh say? Wouldn't he say that you are worth an hour (or two, or three) of self exploration and pleasure, with a possible huge payoff in terms of the rest of your life? Don't you deserve this?