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Did my boyfriend rape his ex?

12 replies

Fuzzyduck123 · 10/06/2018 21:15

So when i first got in a relationship with my boyfriend i heard rumours that he had had sex with his girlfriend whilst she was asleep when they were together. I thought nothing much of it really but lately it has been making me worry.

He will say things about rape along the lines of ‘im not a rapist…anymore’ but then that’s it and it leaves me wondering.

Yesterday we had sex without him asking me for consent, although we both knew i was into it and i did want to. He then made me tell him that he had full consent.

I just want to know the story and what happened so i can move on but when i got the courage to ask him he just said ‘it’s a story for when i’m not tired’ and ‘it’s not important’. This is making me worried and i want to know the truth.

If we are watching a program for example and rape gets brought up he will say something like ‘i couldn’t be a rapist’ and it makes me feel like he is trying to reassure me, but why would he do that if he hadn’t done anything?

Just as an extra we are only 16 so i’m obviously getting worried now about if there is something he’s not telling me but i darent bring it up again without sounding physco.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
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GenedlGymreig · 11/06/2018 10:24

I don't know what happened with his ex, but you don't need to be in this relationship. Leave him and find a boyfriend where you don't need to ask this question, please.

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KinkyAfro · 11/06/2018 17:40

Why would you waste your time on this guy, you're 16 ffs, fuck him off...he sounds dangerous

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Brahms3rdracket · 11/06/2018 19:46

On the other hand, he could possibly be the victim of vicious rumours and deserves to be heard. Can you imagine what it must be like to be accused of something without the opportunity to defend yourself? If you're together and feel mature enough to enter into a sexual relationship you should also be able to discuss things surrounding sex. If you don't feel able to talk about it you need to stop the sexual relationship.

If you've ever felt you haven't fully consented however you should end things immediately.

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busybarbara · 12/06/2018 13:50

we had sex without him asking me for consent, although we both knew i was into it and i did want to.

Consent isn't always spoken or written down, otherwise life would be very boring. "i was into it and i did want to" sounds like you were consenting non-verbally? However, the rest of it all makes him sound very shady to me and at your age he is not going to be a keeper.

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TammySwansonTwo · 17/06/2018 17:57

He will say things about rape along the lines of ‘im not a rapist…anymore’ but then that’s it and it leaves me wondering.

I’d say that’s pretty clear. You’re 16? Get out now.

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birdonawire1 · 19/06/2018 20:06

You need to sit down and have an honest conversation about what happened. He could either be very unsure about his actions or have some serious problems. You deserve honesty

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internetprawn · 19/06/2018 21:28

16, and you're worried your boyfriend might be a potential sexual predator? End it now would be my best advice. 16 is way too young to be dealing with that level of drama and possible weirdness. Seriously. Also, If he's bringing it up in convo himself, and joking about people thinking he's a sex offender, that's creepy AF imho. eeew. Is he playing head games with you? If he thinks it's funny to make his gf worry like that about stuff like that, then he's maybe manipulative as well as creepy. You're too young for all that, too. College, a job, having fun, keeping things easy and light-hearted: that's what should be on your head right now, I reckon. And, if you can, speak to your Mum, an aunty, a big sister or someone like that who you trust: see what they think x

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RatRolyPoly · 22/06/2018 11:42

Anyone who can make casual reference to being a rapist does not have the right attitude to rape. I wouldn't trust this guy with my boundaries personally; doesn't sound like he has any intention of taking them seriously.

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AngelsSins · 12/07/2018 15:52

On the other hand, he could possibly be the victim of vicious rumours and deserves to be heard. Can you imagine what it must be like to be accused of something without the opportunity to defend yourself?

Maybe, but why should we be encouraging young women to take that risk? Is his “entitlement” to a relationship a higher priority than a woman’s safety?

OP, it’s not a gamble worth taking.

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Brahms3rdracket · 13/07/2018 21:03

@AngelsSins ... and read the rest of my post where I make it abundantly clear the OP should steer well clear if she ever feels she hasn't given consent.

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NotTheFordType · 14/07/2018 11:04

‘im not a rapist…anymore’

So he's told you he "used to be" a rapist.

TBH I'm not sure you can stop being a rapist. You can't stop being a murderer, can you?

Fuck him off. Plenty more lads out there who don't have a dodgy past.

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AngelsSins · 14/07/2018 11:43

Brahms3rdracket so she should wait until he rapes her and THEN “steer well clear”?

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