No sex for 3 years

[JJ2014]

So, my partner and I have a 5 year old and haven't had sex for 3 years. I've tried a few times but he makes excuses, I know most of the time it's because he is not happy about his weight. And to be fair, neither am I. I take good care of myself and he doesn't. There isn't another woman, as he just wouldn't have time for it and is not part of his moral compass. But I wouldn't be devastated if there was. He wants more affection and play and stuff and I just don't as I don't find him attractive anymore. Is this normal in long term relationships, especially with children involved? And yes, the other parts of our relationship are slipping also. More arguments, more tension etc

How old are both of you?

It is normal for the sex to cool off when you have a child, but not for 3 years! The other parts of the relationship suffering when there's no intimacy is normal too. Physical intimacy is like a "well of forgiveness" that couples can draw on to get past the little irritations and conflicts.

Is there any chance you can get him to lose some weight? How is his health? Has he seen a doctor in the last year or two?

You need to honest and tell him how you feel which may motivate him to lose weight. However be prepared that your sexual attraction to him may not return. Are you sure that's the only issues?

Very few relationships survive long term without sex so maybe have a frank discussion and think about things

I recently left a long relationship. One of the reasons was a lack of sex. 4 years & not very often before that. Neither of us was going elsewhere for it.

My husband stopped looking after himself properly. He's not depressed, just lazy & disinterested. I found it impossible to fancy a man who would spend whole weekends unwashed & never went to the dentist, even if he'd broken a tooth.

Hmm.. this is a long time. My DH is pretty overweight and only recently I was vocal about his weight - more concerned about his health than vanity. We had two young DSs, so similar to you. We have sex not often, maybe once every 2 months (sometimes more often) and have few issues that impact that (I simply can’t have sex with him when he mistreats me). I do still fancy him though - when he initiates sex I am usually straight into it
I would say that is way too long to go without sex - it normally goes like that with couples who are on verge of splitting up/ detachment.. (from experience of friends)
do you have any other form of intimacy? Sounds like it is not only weight that bothers you

I've been very honest with him about his weight for years. I've explain how it makes me feel and how it is impacting. It's got to the point that I don't fancy him at all. I don't want him to touch me or kiss me. And yes the other parts I find annoying. His hygiene etc. He hasn't gone to the doctors in about a year. There are also money issues, but he won't go and get another job with more money because he is comfortable where he is, not happy, but comfortable. He knows he should get a higher paying job, but doesn't. We communicate very well, but it's getting to the point where that is not enough. We are excellent 'co-parents'. We also want another child but no sex means no child!! He says he wants another child but won't lose the weight to have one!!

Has he seen a doctor in the last year or two?

He hasn’t even seen his feet Sorry OP, just a little joke. I hope you get things sorted out. Have you tried counselling, or even discussed it?