Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sex

You need to have been registered for 7 days to post in the Sex forum. Please don’t send unwanted PMs to other users.

Original poster

What will my new partner think when he sees a lumpy butt, help!

24 replies

Mrsbumpybum · 28/05/2018 13:37

Ok so this is my situation. I separated from my husband a few months ago after many years of marriage. I’ve now met someone and it seems to be going well. But I have a problem. I’m absolutely terrified that the piles and skin tags I have round my bum (caused by childbirth years ago) are going to be a real turn off for him. I’m going to find it hard enough relaxing anyway as I’ve only ever slept with my husband. Plus this new man happens to gorgeous and only 32 whereas I’m 43, go me yay! Grin I’ve already had two lots of surgery on it but had complications last time which left more lumps and bumps. He’ll definitely notice as it’s like two lumps the size of raisins, sorry if it’s TMI!
So I suppose what I’m asking is, has anyone else had this problem and if so, has your new partner said anything? Has it put him off wanting sex with you?

OP posts:
xpc316e · 28/05/2018 17:07

I cannot imagine for one moment your new man being put off making love to you because of the alleged defects in the appearance of your rusty Sheriff's badge. If he asks about it, you explain, but I reckon you'll be giving him so much pleasure he will not have an issue with it.

Best wishes, and do report back on how it went.

Original poster
Mrsbumpybum · 28/05/2018 20:24

Rusty sheriff’s badge, ha ha! I really hope you’re right and that he doesn’t think ewww! Will report back in a bit when we’ve finally done the deed lol x

OP posts:
EmmaC78 · 28/05/2018 21:26

He won't care. Men are just glad to be having sex 😂😂😂😂 Try not to make it more of an issue than it actually is (easier said than done I know)

PussGirl · 28/05/2018 22:23

Keep the lights dim & avoid doggy-style Grin

Seriously, he's unlikely to notice - real woman don't have a "porn-perfect" body & why the hell ought they? It will most probably be fine. Really. Smile

Familymanhusband · 29/05/2018 09:39

I'd try not to worry about it, women don't have the monopoly on body insecurities - he's just as likely to be worried about is hairy back/bent penis/saggy balls/premature ejaculation/belly fat/lack of muscle tone/pasty skin/excessive sweating etc, etc, (delete as applicable).

Original poster
Mrsbumpybum · 29/05/2018 10:39

Will definitely dim the lights a bit PussGirl, but it’s a shame as I feel really confident with the rest of my body. He loves doggy apparently and with my “beautiful cheeks” (to quote him) he can’t wait to take me like that! I think I’ll have to work up to that one!

OP posts:
dogfish1 · 29/05/2018 16:07

Am a bloke, and trust me when he sees your "beautiful cheeks" he won't care less about two lumps the size of raisins, and probably won't even notice them! So don't bin doggy style just yet! (unless you want to, of course).

xpc316e · 29/05/2018 16:28

dogfish1 is absolutely right. I haven't had an enormous number of sexual partners, but I can say that body confidence is one of the sexiest things a woman can have. I had one partner who was a BBW who dressed to show off her figure and was certainly no wallflower. She didn't warn me about it(why would she need to?), but when I first saw her naked I discovered that as a child she had pulled a pan of boiling water from a cooker onto herself. One of her breasts had substantial burn scarring, but did it matter? Of course it didn't, and she just got on with making her life as much fun as she could. Please do not let your 'lumpy bum' hold you back.

Original poster
Mrsbumpybum · 29/05/2018 21:20

Thanks dogfish1 and xpc316e. It’s good to hear from a male perspective that it shouldn’t matter. I suppose I just have this idea in my head that men expect to see perfection and that includes a smooth perfect arsehole Confused

OP posts:
RaindropsANDpuddles · 29/05/2018 21:26

dogfish and wpc316e can I ask for an honest male view of a fat tummy? Size 16-18 and obese with a BMI of 35. Freaking out that new partner will be horrified when he sees me naked. I know body confidence is important and I'm fine with my boobs, bum and legs.

RaindropsANDpuddles · 29/05/2018 21:27

I should add I'm on a crash diet and trying to put off DTD for as long as possible!

dogfish1 · 29/05/2018 22:18

Raindrops it depends on the bloke. Some would love it, some wouldn't. But they won't be surprised by it because they'll already have made a fair guess what you'll look like undressed. If you're worried, keep the lights down. If you want to be sure they won't shag and run, have a good honest chat with them first about where it's heading and how they feel about your body, and/or delay DTD for a while. If they freak out at that, they may not be the right person for you.

OP, not at all. Confidence and enjoyment is far more important. If he likes doggy he is probably desperately hoping you do as well, and that will matter a lot more than whether your backside is perfect. So if you like it go for it!

RaindropsANDpuddles · 29/05/2018 22:24

Thank you dogfish I appreciate your honest reply. I absolutely don't want to be the recipient of shag and run so delay & diet will continue!

xpc316e · 30/05/2018 08:33

Raindrops, dogfish is right; your new partner is under no illusions about you looking like Victoria Beckham when you get undressed, so don't fret about it.

Real women are about so much more than perfect, Photoshopped bodies. I have always found myself attracted to a partner because of who she was, not what she looked like. Who the heck wants a woman who looks fantastic, but is horrid to be with? Only a total idiot wants a Barbie doll to dangle off his arm, and I am certain you would not want to be with such a shallow person.

By all means continue with your diet, but to make your sex utterly wonderful your head is the thing that needs to be right. Be confident, be bold, be brave. Good luck.

RaindropsANDpuddles · 30/05/2018 15:07

xpc316e thank you for your reply too. Just what I need to hear. I need to focus on my head & make sure thats in the right place before getting in deeper.

OP apologies for highjacking your thread.Please let us know when you've DTD Envy

Original poster
Mrsbumpybum · 30/05/2018 16:23

Will do Raindrops....just need to hastily get some contraception sorted. Not used to having to think about it having had a husband who had the snip!

OP posts:
Typeractive · 30/05/2018 19:50

Hi OP, after giving birth to DD, I was left with a massive flappy bit of skin on my arse hole. I hated it, so had it lasered off. However, it was far from a perfect fix and I still have a small lump there - yep, about the size of a raisin.

Since birthing DD messed up my bumhole, I've had a couple of lovers, loads of Doggy style and loads of anal. It's not been a problem. I seldom think of it and I'm sure my fellas barely noticed it.

Original poster
Mrsbumpybum · 30/05/2018 20:33

Thanks for your reply Typeractive, it’s nice to know there are other ladies out there with the same problem. Also reassuring to hear that a lumpy bum hasn’t been problematic in the bedroom and when doing doggy. I know I’ll be self conscious in that position in particular but I’m hoping, that after a while of him not caring, I’ll be able to fully enjoy myself

OP posts:
chestylarue52 · 31/05/2018 19:10

Please remember that the point of you having sex is for you to get sexual pleasure, not to be an acceptable sexual viewing object for your partner. Get stuck in, enjoy yourself. If he doesn’t like the view, that’s his problem!!

Typeractive · 31/05/2018 20:56

Amen to that, chesty.

Jellyheadbang · 01/06/2018 01:10

Oh how funny I have been worrying frantically about an upcoming rendezvous. I'm small but curvy, v untoned following disability and long term illness.
I have an overhang belly which I deeply wish wasn't there....
He's seen me clothed but I'm a very skilled dresser, nobody would know about my hideous gunt apron. undressed I have nowhere to hide, sitting down I'm Buddha, lying down on my back it's flat , turn to the side and woops, what's that you've dropped? Ooh, it's just my belly, soz!
I'm petrified that he's going to be repulsed by my flabby tummy.
Sorry not much help but letting you see you're not alone.
Hope you fare well with your butt!

Original poster
Mrsbumpybum · 01/06/2018 13:15

Thanks jellyheadbang, it’s so hard not to get anxious over it isn’t it. In mind it’s become a huge thing that I have to get over. I’m hoping for more surgery in September but until then I need to try and relax and go for it. As other people have said, our male partners will probably be concentrating more on our good bits and not coming too early! xx

OP posts:
MassivePottedGeranium · 02/06/2018 15:03

Heavens, my bumhole is like yours op. Prob a but worse. I didn't even know surgery was an option. I have a new partner after 20 years of marriage and it didn't even occur to me that he could be weirded out by it- i dont think he was, but will have to ask him Grin

The first new partner after a long relationship is going to be a bit nervewracking, but if he is a good 'un (my dp is 6 years younger than me, not quite as much of a young buck as yours!) he will be excited by all of you, and not be bothered about a few skin tags and evidence of having had children. Good luck x

Original poster
Mrsbumpybum · 02/06/2018 16:02

Wow MassivePottedGeranium, your situation is very similar to mine! That’s reassuring that it hasn’t been a problem....would love to know the answer if you do ask your dp about it! xx

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page

This topic prevents users from posting on it until they have been members for at least 7 days.

Swipe left for the next trending thread