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Are my expectations too high?

1 reply

Deeplylemoncrazy · 27/05/2018 00:22

DP and I have been in a long distance relationship for many years. Not seeing each other all the time meant our sex life was great when we met up. The last couple of years I have been totally disinterested due to bereavement and depression. I'm now in the menopause and my sex drive has gone sky high.

We are currently on holiday for several weeks and I told DP about this on our first night back together. He seemed pleased but a but taken aback. We have had sex on some days but I don't think he's actually bothered about it. He is the sort of person who likes in in bed at night or sometimes in the morning. I have tried dragging him to bed on a couple of afternoons and he did oblige but I think he felt it was more of a duty rather than really wanting to.

The other problem is he drinks a lot and this makes him tired by bedtime and would rather just go to sleep. It is also making his snoring a million times worse and I am struggling to get any sleep. He has always drunk a lot but it doesn't make him drunk. We are 2 weeks into a 6 week holiday so we have no pressures at all. We have both retired, no kids, no responsibilities so stress is not an issue. He is approaching 60, but a young 60. I know age can be a factor and I am trying to accept that as the cause rather than anything else.

I don't fancy spending the next few weeks watching him drink, falling asleep and not getting quality sleep. I'd also like a bit more sex tbh!!! He doesn't see his drinking as a problem and agrees we should have more sex but it's just not happening.

When I read this back I feel guilty for moaning. I know there are much worse problems to have.

OP posts:
GrannyHaddock · 27/05/2018 15:50

You seem to be facing a drinking problem, not a sex problem. Many men would treasure an enthusiastic partner, especially if you only get together occasionally. Does drinking prevent him performing apart from the sleepiness?
That said, mismatched sex appetites must be one of the commonest problems that come up in this section of MN. Was he active sexually when you were apart? Did he somehow "lose it" when you were unavailable for that couple of years?

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