Partner gone off sex whilst I'm pregnant..

[EvaGraceMummy2015]

Hi ladies, just wondered if this is normal? When I first found out I was pregnant things were normal for us, still having a healthy sex life of 2/3 times a week... then it seemed to just decrease around the time I started showing (I'm having twins and have a DD already so showing earlier this time). At first I didn't put 2 and 2 together and thought he just wasn't as bothered any more (I would initiate more often than him, he would always be saying he was tired/stressed or whatever) but the penny dropped and I realised it was more about the babies being 'in there'. These will be his first (DD is from a previous relationship) and no matter how many times I've tried to talk to him about how it's impossible to hurt the babies and it's completely natural to have sex whilst pregnant, it doesn't really seem to make any difference.
I wouldn't mind but the extra hormones have sent my sex drive through the roof🙈 and I don't see sex as 'a means to an end' sorta thing, it's more about feeling loved and desired and bonding with DP.. he's gorgeous to me so why wouldn't I want this close/physical connection with him?! I've tried to talk to him about it and said I can't imagine going another 6 months without being close and intimate in this way and he's assured me it's not going to happen.. but it's beginning to upset me now to be honest 😢

Your a better woman than I, when I was pregnant it wasn’t just about the intimacy- I fully wanted to have sex and he didn’t - I found it really hard.

Could you talk to him about non penatrative sex, if the issue is about ‘putting anything inside’ ? Plan b - sex toys.

Thank you for replying😊 well I have sex toys of my own that I have being using alone lately😳 but yeah maybe I could talk to him about using them together or maybe ways that we can satisfy eachother without it being actually piv sex.. he seems to have lost his sex drive altogether though in a way, whenever I go to cuddle him or give him a kiss on a night he will sort of kiss me (quick peck) then put his arm around me and pull me onto his chest! Like as if he doesn't see me as his lover any more, but more like the mother of his children if you get me? Don't get me wrong it's lovely in a way because he's still showing affection.. but I miss the sexual part of affection!🙈

I hear you. It was hard for me because he went off sex, telling me he wasn’t in the mood and then I found out he was watching loads of porn. I felt completely rejected at a time I needed most reassurance we were a couple. Our beautiful and much loved dd wasn’t planned and we are not married, so I almost assumed we were at the beginning of a break up.

I would talk to your DH, for my dp it was an awkwardness around piv sex when I started showing and there was a baby. Normal behaviour returned after and did not repeat itself for the second pregnancy.

If it is a case of not being able to see you as a partner beyond being a mum, I would, if you can try and have that out now, explain the importance to you of not losing who you are by being a mum, but just adding to who you are. The importance of you and he finding a baby sitter and having date nights when the baby is old enough so you have a relationship as a couple as well as being parents. It may seem early to have that chat but maybe keeping those thoughts / expectations front of mind might help him not to loose sight of the relationship you share AND the expectation you have as a partner about a romantic element to your relationship now and in the future.

You might want to remind him that when you start breastfeeding you're probably going to be the one who doesn't want sex anymore (it's the hormones) so he better get his fill while he can unless he plans to go another year or two without.. that might jivvy him up!

When I was pregnant I was ultra ultra horny - more than any time in my life, but for men might be scared of hurting the baby etc. just talk, compromise and mututally masturbate if penetration is an issue

I think you should just be happy to be affectionate and loving to each other and share whatever intimacy he is happy with. You can masterbate by yourself and ease some of the desire that way.

To keep pressurising him into sex or making him feel guilty is unfair and something no one likes.

Thank you for all your replies ladies, well I've been tending to 'satisfy myself' as I've found it difficult without having sex for a while, he's confessed lately how bad it makes him feel and how he still loves me to pieces/finds me attractive, it's just like a mental block that's stopping him feeling sexual towards me, he does still sometimes it's just when he looks at my tummy and how it is growing it sort of switches it off if you get me? I'm trying my best to be patient and understanding, I'm just not talking about it as then it makes it into more of a big issue. It's hard because I just look at him sometimes and feel so attracted to him! 🙈 but at the same time he's knows he needs to still give me plenty of kisses and cuddles so at least we can feel close that way 😊

Totally feel for you.
Same thing happened to me during my first pregnancy.
Raging hormones
Ex H was scared of hurting the baby. Soon came back after baby was born.
Second pregnancy ( different dad ) best sex ever lol. Now husband found my pregnant body very sexy.
Hang in there.

'New' husband.

My dh hated sex while I was pregnant, he was fine with the first up until I started showing and then he would get all squeemish about it. We did still have sex but no where near as often, lots more oral went on.

With youngest it was even less, I had suffered 2 miscarriages before so were both a bit paranoid but we still found ways to be intimate