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Zero libido :(

3 replies

sleepymama157 · 19/04/2018 23:35

Tonight is the second time recently my husband has had the courage to bring up the subject of sex. We have had sex once this year. That was the first time since our youngest was born 7 months ago. It's all me. I have zero interest. Youngest was a terrible sleeper for first four months to the point we did "shifts" on the couch with him at night to get a few hours solid each. But last three months I have no excuses other than tiredness. I am on antidepressants for PND (feel fine now!) and also have thyroid issues brought on by baby no. 2. I love my husband dearly. I fancy him. I WANT to be more intimate. But come 8pm I just want to collapse. I know I'm being selfish. I know I'm completely at fault. My husband works full time (I'm still on maternity leave). We are completely 50/50 with both kids and housework when he's off. I nap with my eldest most days when he's off. He is actually pretty much the perfect husband. The only gripe I have is the amount of time he spends on his mobile phone and doesn't listen to me or eldest kid (who is 2.5) when we are talking. He's been a bit stressy with work and home stuff recently too. But can't imagine hardly having sex is helping his stress levels. I want to want it! So why don't I!! I've read that thyroid level can affect libido. Things weren't immediately amazing sex-wise after first born but they got back on track quicker than this time! Maybe only had sex once a week or so but better than once every 7 months! I just feel such a bad wife. Any tips? Please no awful comments. I feel enormous guilt.

OP posts:
salsamad · 20/04/2018 00:13

You are not a bad wife. You are obviously coping with a very busy family life life with very small children and your underlying illnesses too.
Anti depressants can cause a drop in libido but if you are managing well now you will not want to change tablets etc. You could possibly discuss it with your GP though as it's bothering you.
Keep talking - don't wait for him to broach the subject but keep the lines of communication open. Tell him what you've said in your post about finding him attractive and fancying him (this may be worrying him) and also that you really do want to want sex. Make time to chat about each other's day. Keep being affectionate and loving with him.
I know it sounds a bit cliched but try to have some adult only time e.g. Get a sitter and have a regular date night if you can.

user2929 · 20/04/2018 05:53

Are you on hormonal contraception? They killed my libido

KikiA · 22/04/2018 23:00

Oh man... could've written this myself a couple of months back. My LO is 7.5 months now and I had zero interest (not helped by the couple of attempts I did make were agonisingly painful). Try not to beat yourself up about it (although I fully appreciate the hole you drive yourself into over it). Are you by any chance breastfeeding? Mega killer of libido for me.... also, antidepressants can kill libido too. Appreciate you have two, so this might not be practical but I find my libido is at the best it's going to be in the morning - I usually have a shower so I feel nice and fresh and alert and that seems to be the best time for me. Evening is usually a no go unless I've had a couple of glasses of wine and I'm feeling brave. Must be a huge shift in dynamics going from one baby to two - cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourself. X

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