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Strangling?

23 replies

Lovemusic33 · 15/04/2018 19:35

Will keep this simple, is it ever ok for a man to place his hands around your neck whilst dtd? New partner and feeling a bit confused, is it something done in porn? he’s not controlling or forceful in anyway so I was a bit shocked 😮

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Hidingtonothing · 15/04/2018 21:13

I don't think it's ok in a new relationship no, for me it's in the 'only with someone I really, really trust' category and only then if it's something you both want to do. And yes, it does seem to be becoming more prevalent in porn, proceed with caution OP.

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Lovemusic33 · 15/04/2018 21:47

Thank you.
I can't say I didn't enjoy it as such, was just a bit shocked as it wasn't something we had talked about. He does watch porn which I'm ok with (he's been single for quite a while) but I would rather someone asked before placing their hands around my neck.

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AkimboLimbo · 15/04/2018 22:12

I would be extremely concerned about a man who did this without discussing and agreeing this with his partner beforehand.
It shows that he doesn't think it matters what she thinks, he doesn't see why he needs to find out if she wants to do it and her pleasure has no relevance to him. He has treated you like a sex toy.

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Eleanorsummer · 16/04/2018 15:21

He shouldn't have done that before discussing it with you first.

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Lovemusic33 · 16/04/2018 15:48

I think I’m just shocked as it was a bit random, other than this he is quite considerate in bed but then I don’t know him that well. I think it is a porn thing, I have come across similar things with other men, I’m not sure why he thought it was ok, it was literally 5 seconds and it’s only happened once.

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Wherearemymarbles · 16/04/2018 16:35

Porn all the way... wonder what else he has seen in porn he might like.

He may well be considerate most of the time... its the other times you need to think about.

Proceed with caution would be my aadvise..

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Lovemusic33 · 16/04/2018 16:39

Thanks where ,I’m going to tread carefully and suggest that we talk about things before doing them. I don’t mind a bit of kink but would rather these things were not sprung on me. I think he has been single for a couple years and relying on porn to get his kicks. I’m not against porn as long as men realise that they can’t just act it out without asking. I’m not the submissive type and I prefer to be in control rather than having a man place his hands around my neck.

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AkimboLimbo · 16/04/2018 22:08

but would rather these things were not sprung on me.
I don't think that should be a matter of preference, it's absolutely mandatory.

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PussGirl · 22/04/2018 00:23

My new partner & I discussed do's & don'ts before we slept together.

I enjoy a bit of light bondage, being pinned down; I'm quite submissive in bed really, but anything round my neck is an absolute No No.

He respects that.

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Lovemusic33 · 22/04/2018 07:59

Puss we had discussed some things, I told him I don’t like not being in control and wouldn’t like being tied up. I’m willing to try most things if asked. I didn’t hate it, I probably would have liked it more if he had asked first. I am seeing him today so will see how things go.

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dozyoldmangit · 22/04/2018 09:35

I'm a bloke, but this is from a non-gender related perspective.

Please don't do this. Don't ever let anyone put anything (hands included) around your neck. The margin between safety and life threatening danger, particularly in the heat of the moment so to speak, is perilously narrow.

I've read that some people enjoy this because of a high induced by mild oxygen deprivation, but I've also read that a much safer way to achieve this (should you so wish) is to lie on your back with your head over the edge of the bed tilted backwards.

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Lovemusic33 · 22/04/2018 17:42

Thanks dozy. I saw him again today and he didn’t go near my neck (infact I made sure I was the one in control the whole time). So far it’s just happened once and I’m putting it down to him watching porn. He is gentle in every other way, doesn’t seem dominant so I’m not sure where this came from.

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itsbetterthanabox · 22/04/2018 21:11

Major red flag. He likes hurting women.

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Lovemusic33 · 23/04/2018 08:26

He didn’t hurt me at all Hmm, he’s never hurt me.

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Joey7t8 · 23/04/2018 09:23

I’ve watched a fair bit of porn over the last 10-15 years, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen strangulation.

I have heard of it though, and there have been some tragic accidents resulting in fatalities, so on that basis, it should be a definite NO.

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itsbetterthanabox · 23/04/2018 14:40

Strangling is hurting you. Trying to suffocate someone is hurting them.

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idlikemoresleep · 26/04/2018 20:27

Oh I love it! I'm totally ok with it if it's done right 😉

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Lovemusic33 · 27/04/2018 07:48

idlike thanks for you input Grin, I didn’t not like it, was just shocked as he didn’t ask. Strangely he hasn’t done it since so maybe it was a one off. He’s pretty vanilla in the bedroom compared to some so it came as a bit of a shock.

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rwalker · 27/04/2018 17:23

The way i read it is i think she has put the wrong title for her thread .To me when someone tries to strangle you it's a very tight hold leaving you gasping for air .Cleary stated he did not hurt her think he had his hands round her neck as a loose hold for position of dominance. Any thing goes if you both agree and like it which she clearly didn't, but you need to tell him not presume he has got the message.

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MorganKitten · 29/04/2018 22:15

I do go for a bit of choking, but only if a safeword is spoken about and I fully trust the person

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PrimalLady · 30/04/2018 20:30

I like it. But no one has ever done it to me without me making it very obvious what I want.

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HennaTattoo · 15/05/2018 22:03

That would freak me out

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Solasshole · 25/05/2018 20:19

If it's with someone you trust and you've both discussed it, agreed on boundaries, when to stop, both enjoy it etc then it's totally fine. Not fine if someone does it without your permission. I don't mind light strangling occasionally from my partner and we've discussed this so he doesn't have to ask permission each time, although if I'm not in the mood and he tries I'll tell him and he'll stop straight away.

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