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How do I approach this?

10 replies

Upupandiwent · 31/03/2018 10:10

I've been dating a new bloke for two months now. We are both late 40s. He's not had many sexual partners. Eveything is good but there's something he doesn't do thst starting to annoy me. He doesn't touch my breasts and nipples during sex. At all. I find it strange really as I presumed all men loved this and it's certainly a massive turn on for me. I've placed his hands there...he moved them away after a few seconds...I've told him i love attention on them, so he does it for a few seconds, then next time we have sex, nothing. He actually seemed surprised about thst I asked him..
He goes straight from kissing to touch my clitoris, but that's not enough.. I need more warning up. Before anyone asks, I've told him already! Do I have to keep telling him every time?
For context, he's been single for a few years, but isn't this the basics? Isnt it instinctive?


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OP posts:
MarieG10 · 31/03/2018 10:40

Omg....he sounds incredibly inexperienced or out of practice....although even out of practice you don't forget. I think you really need to talk but in a gentle way as otherwise it will build up to being a big issue with him and you don't want him to start struggling to get hard as he is wound up.

But really...what bloke doesn't want to touch boobs?

It will take time. Don't expect he will suddenly become a skilful lover overnight. Guys learn over many years in my experience but when they get it right, well what can I say!

Upupandiwent · 31/03/2018 12:18

Thank you. I think I'll try to gently tell him again. It's making me feel annoyed with him though as I feel rushed when he goes straight got my clitoris without touching me much anywhere else first.

OP posts:
Joey7t8 · 31/03/2018 17:54

You’re right: touching (and sucking) breasts and nipples IS instinctive. Even though there’s no direct sexual pleasure, giving a women’s boobs lots of attention before and during sex is very pleasurable to a man.

BungledUpInTwo · 31/03/2018 23:00

do you include your breasts when you masturbate? maybe you need to give him a demonstration of what you want...

Torple · 01/04/2018 11:09

Can you not gently guide him? Take his hand onto your breasts and fondle them with him, play with your nipples etc.
I took my OH’s virginity and had to show him EVERYTHING. It was a little awkward for a tiny moment, but SO worth it in the end.

Upupandiwent · 01/04/2018 14:05

Thanks for the replies. I think I will have to guide him a bit more. I've placed his hands there but as soon as I move mine away he moves his away too! I obviously need to make it more obvious, and as Torple says, show him how to fondle them.
I just think it's strange, as I said earlier I thought it would be an instinctive thing to do.
He is a bit awkward and jokey the minutes leading up to us having sex, which i know is nervousness and because he's not had a relationship in a few years. Then when we get into it and carried away then he's fine.

OP posts:
Upupandiwent · 01/04/2018 14:09

Bungled I haven't masturbated in front of him, but i could touch my breasts while he's touching me or going down on me. I don't normally do that but it's a good idea so he can see how aroused it makes me.

OP posts:
Mii34 · 01/04/2018 19:17

You might just have to explain what you want. It's something I can happily miss out which confused my DP as he thought it was a required step in the process.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/04/2018 21:13

I think you should be very open and clear about what you like, and it would be my advise to have this discussion when you're NOT in the midst of having sex. You may find however that you are just not sexually compatible. If that's the case, I would end the relationship.

Tricuspid · 18/04/2018 15:26

I had no idea it was possible to be a man that doesn’t like boobs and nipples! Maybe he had an ex who didn’t like her boobs touched and he’s been conditioned to think all women feel that way.

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