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Original poster

Is there a time limit on FWB?

22 replies

Cantcarryonforever · 22/03/2018 19:19

Interested to see what others think..

Can a FWB arrangement go on indefinitely?

Been sleeping with FWB for 2.5 years, started as a one night stand but became a regular thing. It stops if one of us is dating then inevitably starts again as soon as we are both single. Longest period without seeing him was 10 months.. we got back in touch last month and off it goes again.

No issues and the arrangement works for both of us but I know friends think it's odd it's gone on so long!

Anybody had a similar thing?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cantcarryonforever · 22/03/2018 21:02

Bump

OP posts:
Dudette29 · 23/03/2018 11:29

Watching with interest. I think if you're both happy with the current arrangement, and it fits in with life/commitments etc then what's the problem?
Personally for me, if a FWB arrangement came to an end because either party met somebody and wanted to give a relationship a go... I wouldn't go back there if things didn't work out.
Although to do so must mean you've got something good going on... so if you and him are happy, just enjoy it for what it is.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 23/03/2018 13:44

I was in a FWB relationship on and off for almost 4 years. Although we got on well and had a laugh we both knew there were not enough boxes ticked for a full relationship to succeed. Sex was amazing, we treated each other with respect and were honest with each other. There were breaks and we both stood back when either one of us ended up meeting someone else with relationship potential but if it did not work out we went back to being FWBs. We are now both married to different people and we very rarely see each other these days but what we did worked for us given where we were with our lives at that time.

It’s not for everyone and you certainly don’t enter such an arrangement with a hope that it might turn into something more. So long as you are in control of your emotions and can separate your sex life from said emotions they can be very satisfying arrangements.

CalmBeforeTheWave · 23/03/2018 16:31

Only a pervert would go on indefinitely.

UndomesticHousewife · 23/03/2018 22:31

Only a pervert would go on indefinitely?? What? Confused

TheNaze73 · 24/03/2018 07:45

Only a pervert would go on indefinitely

Grin
chestylarue52 · 24/03/2018 08:33

There’s no reason for it not to go on ages. I had a lover for years until he met a girl he wanted to seriously date, it was lovely. He’s married now and I’m very happy for him, otherwise it would have carried on indefinitely.

chestylarue52 · 24/03/2018 08:34

I am a pervert, though, so...

Original poster
Cantcarryonforever · 24/03/2018 11:05

Pervert OP here.. Grin

Thanks for replying!

Pan, your situation sounds very similar. I think when we very first met there was a short period when I felt like we might start dating, but it was obvious it wouldn't work. He's a few years younger than me, but in a completely different life stage, literally young free and single. I'm a single parent and had dd very young so I've been ageing in dog years Grin. I've definitely put him in a mental 'box' and he must be happy with it so I'll continue my pervert ways Grin

OP posts:
AkimboLimbo · 24/03/2018 20:32

Only a pervert would go on indefinitely.
Is that good or bad?
How long does it have to go on for it to become perverted?
Quite like a bit of pervy action myself Grin

Angelf1sh · 07/04/2018 04:44

I had one that lasted for 4 years, then we were friends after for another 2 (he started dating the woman he ultimately married) and then we had a big fight on Facebook and I never spoke to him again...Grin

StarsAndWater · 08/04/2018 18:18

Mine's been going on for almost 2 years now. Neither of us want more.
I think it may well end up a long term thing.

MMmomDD · 08/04/2018 23:27

Well - it depends on the ‘friends’ bit of the FWB.
I have this friend - we’ve known each other since mid 20s, and dated other people at times. At some point we also slept together and that went on and off over the years. In between relationships, sometimes (rarely) overlapping.
But - we didn’t - and still don’t live in the same county - or by now - same continent. So - we are more - old friends who, sometimes, depending on life situations also sleep together.

Sometimes we go through a Mir active phase - and almost get to the point of something developing - and then I back off...
Because by now - years have passed and we’ve had a chance before.

Anyhow - a shorter answer - sure, you can have a long-term FWB.
Just depends on what else you want in life.

AND (and here it’s important to be honest with yourself) - if you truly aren’t waiting for him to see that you are ‘meant for each other’ sort of thing.
Or - if he isn’t waiting for the same.
Misbalanced expectations are the worst.

PollyGasson24 · 09/04/2018 01:30

But - we didn’t - and still don’t live in the same county - or by now - same continent. So - we are more - old friends who, sometimes, depending on life situations also sleep together.

That's dedication @MMmomDD! Is it still going? (and how do you manage the distances involved, id always assumed fwb to be more spontaneous?) Sorry, v nosy Grin

MMmomDD · 09/04/2018 01:58

Polly - Lolololo

I think there are different types of FWBs people may have.

Some are more short term - and more meant to scratch an itch when there are no ‘relationship’ sex available. Or when one doesn’t want a relationship.
Those need a closer proximity - sex is really better when regular 😂👍....
And can be more spontaneous - although - with jobs and other social life - some planning is sill useful

For me and my friend - over the years we stay in touch as friends do. We don’t always sleep together. Just - if stars align.
Or - if he - say - starts coming over to London for work regularly and both of us feel like that’s what we want to do.

So - no dedication, really. More - going with a flow and not having expectations.

PollyGasson24 · 09/04/2018 04:56

@MMmomDD ah, I see...
You prob guessed I'd ask this one next then - if he's visiting London for work, does it matter to him/you whether he's in a relationship back home? As I guess it's totally removed from the everyday at that point, and it's a bit of a 'holiday like' atmosphere visiting? See, told you I was nosy Grin.

MMmomDD · 09/04/2018 09:52

We’ve known each other for 20 years...
I don’t know how to explain. We are long friend and sleep together sometimes.

His W - and at some point she was his GF - she knows his long and complicated childhood history that made him different when it comes to relationships and attachments.
And I think she prefers to have him see me somties - to some younger woman, who may want to actually have him for herself.
I don’t.

MMmomDD · 09/04/2018 10:00

I need coffee before trying to spell in the morning...😂😂😂

Meant to say - we are ‘long term friends’, who sometimes sleep with each other.

PollyGasson24 · 09/04/2018 10:14

Okay @MMmomDD. I guess the pertinent fact there is that the gf/DW knows and accepts that he sleeps with someone else while away. Not my initial impression of fwb at all, but I guess I'm old and naive! Blush

Sorry for the slight derail op.

MMmomDD · 09/04/2018 11:19

I don’t think there is Webster dictionary definition.
FWB is just someone people sleep with that they aren’t in a relationship with.

What and how much his W knows is irrelevant really. His life, his choices.
I think she knows in general terms, not details, or when and who.
But for me - her knowing or not doesn’t really change anything.

Life isn’t all black/white. Emotions and attractions are not only one way. He has his life. I have mine.
Sometimes our lives overlap. Briefly.

Not more to it than that.

PollyGasson24 · 09/04/2018 12:20

What and how much his W knows is irrelevant really. His life, his choices.
I think she knows in general terms, not details, or when and who.
But for me - her knowing or not doesn’t really change anything.

OK, I'm out. To me this is cheating, not fwb.

MMmomDD · 09/04/2018 12:29

If you need to know - his W knows he does things on the side sometimes but does not want to know details or have her face rubbed in it.
As long as their life goes on as it is - she is fine with it.
Her life, her choice.

But it’s not the point.

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