No sex no affection

[50sQueen]

My dh has recently gone off sex due to medical issues- tablets he's taking are affecting him. This is something that I coped with a first but it's becoming an issue for me.
What makes it worse is that he doesn't even come to bed now. The rare occasion he does come to bed it is to try and have sex ( about 1 per month) then I don't see him again and I feel used because it's like he just tries once a month to have sex to prove he still can . in between that time there is no affection. This month no sex at all partly because although I'm desperate for it I don't want to be used.
I've asked him to come to bed as we can still be close. But her chooses not to . I've now stopped asking and resent him on the rare occasion that he does come bed.

Am I destined for a sexless / no affection marriage forever?

What does he say about this?
Has he lost his sex drive?
What does he want?

It's as frustrating for him
Sexually as it is for me but as I said his medication is affecting his performance. But not even coming to bed he's just further distancing himself. Which could be to avoid him feeling further frustrated.

No sex is one thing
No intimacy and affection is something else - this would be the end for me

How long will his medication last for, is it a permanent thing?

Yes permanent but he is trying other meds as he's not getting along with them for other reasons too .

Ban sex. Absolutely no penis in vagina at all. Completely remove the pressure for him to perform in any way shape or form - just come to bed, touch me, hold me, kiss me. But absolutely no sex.

Past experience suggests that men avoid putting themselves in a situation where they feel they will fail, and I've broken the cycle by explicitly stating that sex is off the menu.

Sometimes this has led to sex. But it always leads to intimacy.

^^ Yes to a sex ban
Make it at least a month, but then put some effort into affection and intimacy during that time. By having a guarantee of no sex, it takes the pressure off and it increases the desire.
Concentrate on cuddling, kissing, non-erotic touching.
Then when he's ready, move onto more intimate touching, but no pressure to perform.
Only when he is ready would you move onto sex - but take it slowly and enjoy the journey

You’re not destined for any such thing if you do want to be. By the sounds of what you have described, beyond any medical issues there is clearly a lack of affection and loving intent in your relationship. No one needs to live in that situation permanently. A proper sit down talk about how you feel is vital, being honest but sensitive. If your partner refuses to listen or take remedial action then you probably want to consider your options. Some relationships with an acute sexual imbalance can find more unorthodox solutions, such as open marriage. The alternative would be obviously to call it quits.

I am in a relationship where sex is once a month (though in very different circumstances), and it has had a crippling effect on both my own self-esteem and the health of my marriage. Don’t sit around being miserable. Life is too short.