Has he lost interest - or are we just not compatible?

[Notgettingmuch]

So last night I was feeling quite ahem, horny.

I sent DH a load of dirty pics and when asked which was his favourite he said “erm... not sure”. Then when he we were getting down to it, with quite a bit of persuading on my part I felt, I asked him where he’d like to put his penis (that’s not the word I used) and he said “I don’t mind”.

I actually nearly gave up then and there and asked him WTAF!!

AIBU to be a bit upset about this?

We’ve had a difficult sex life for years, after having our children. We’d go a long time without doing it then he’d be so desperate he couldn’t watch me get in the shower or have a cuddle without getting aroused. I felt pestered and pressured which of course made things worse.

But things have been getting better, I thought. I’ve been looking after myself and so feeling more confident and sexy.

We had sex last weekend, dirty txt chat on Monday (he was away) then when he came home Tuesday night he wasn’t interested. We had sex Wednesday morning, with no orgasm for me then in the middle of the night on Friday (no orgasm for me again) then this debacle last night.

He doesn’t have the time to have an actual affair. But is he getting it on with himself then not being interested in me? Or a very low sex drive?

Actually, thinking about it, sex slowed down before the children. When I got sick of feeling like a muppet when being sexually turndown so decided to leave it up to him.

So he does generally have a lower sex drive. And has always been a selfish lover, right from the start. He’ll try and make sure I’m ‘seen to’ as it were but it’s always straight in and like he’s ticking off a list. There has very rarely been any lingering over each other’s bodies. Not unless I took charge.

Now I’m nearly 40 I want more. I want my dues!!

What do I do??

I wrote too much, didn’t I?

I don’t think you wrote too much, especially if it’s all relevant. There’s probably many different reasons why men may not be interested in sex. Is he stressed at work, or have there been ‘performance’ problems in the past? Or, as you said, he may just be masturbating and losing the urge afterwards.
The ‘load of dirty pics’ that you sent. Were they pics of you?

He does sound selfish or sexually ignorant. It isn't though you are not trying (at least now anyway). Do you think he is either affected due to you not being previously interested or getting his own back? Having said that, I can't believe any man wouldn't respond having received pics like that !!

By the way I asked him about it today and he was generally bemused. When I pointed out he didn’t seem bothered with his “I don’t mind” comment he said he genuinely had no preference which hole of mine was used as both were “equally satisfactory”.

I kind of feel he’s missed the point somewhat.

I can relate me and my oh have been together 13 years. We always had sex about 3 times a day for a long time.. the last year has changed. I feel like I always nag for sex. If I suggest it on the sofa he says at bed time but his bedtime is around 1am. I can't do this. Our kids are 9 & 11. We used to have such an exciting sex life, I feel he just isn't interested anymore. (I'm 7 years older) im tired of being turned down because he's to busy watching tv etc. Don't know what to do now.

When I went of sex with dh it was because I didn’t fancy him anymore , before kids we did it a lot and took sexy photos, then we had kids, he got old (he’s a lot older than me), we grew apart but he hadn’t really noticed. Eventually I asked him to leave and he was shocked even though we hadn’t had sex for ages (once a month at the most, and it was pretty boring).