Husband wants me to start things in bedroom?

[louiseee123]

Hi,

Bit of background been married 4 years together for 8 with 2 kids. We have a good relationship in general however there's one issue that keeps cropping up.

He says he wants me to iniatate(sp) sex more as he holds back because last few years my libido has dropped due to hormones so never knows if I'm interested.

My argument is surely if he wants it he makes the effort. I'm bad really with showing affection in general, not sure why, maybe I am the issue?

Help! Any tips?

Thanks

I think he makes a fair point. If he has a higher libido it makes sense for you to initiate when you actually want to rather than him initiating and seeing if you are interested.
Just give him a proper kiss and hands wander then ask him to come to bed. He'll get the message!

I think it must be hard getting rejected often. I agree with your dh and poster above. I’m sure your dh would rather do it less often and know that you actually want to. Rather than him feel like you’re only doing it for his benefit.

Ah yes I didn't really see it like that. The problem is my husband would have it everyday if he could and is always making little comments or sending sexual messages constantly and it gets quite off putting. I tell him to stop sometimes it lasts a day and he's at it again.

It's nice he's still interested but god it's exhausting

Ask him for no more sexual comments or messages as they’re not helping. If he listens to you then great. If he carries on then he doesn’t sound that great to be honest

He needs you to do this as he’s constantly being rejected. It’s a tough one but, I think he’s trying to do the right thing.
As others have said, he’s probably feeling pretty crap about it all

I've read all the advice. Sex therapists often come back to the same thing: stop pussyfooting around and just get on with it.

Tell him to take a step back to allow you room to step forward.
Then you do need to initiate sometimes.

My argument is surely if he wants it he makes the effort. I'm bad really with showing affection in general, not sure why, maybe I am the issue?

He probably feels why should he carry on making the effort when he thinks you don't. If you think anything of him, put you pride and inhibitions to one side before your relationship really hits the rocks....which it will do if you don't make some effort. Seen it all before and it's no good crying when it's too late, that is h less you really don't want to have sex with him and then we'll tell him and split up!!

I hope he doesn’t look to get it elsewhere, like plenty of men (and women) do if they keep being rejected.

C'mon, @louiseee123, it's really simple:

1. Get him lying on his back in bed.

2. Turn on your side, towards him.

3. Place a hand on his chest.

4. Bend you leg, and place your knee over his legs.

Seriously, that's about as much as you'd need to do for him to consider that you'd 'initiated'. If our lass did that in bed, I'd be like, "WHEY-HEY, WE'RE ON!!!"

Thanks all for the verbal kick up the bum I needed. I've really made the effort this weekend and it's working, feel much closer at the moment.

That’s great. I think sometimes it’s a case of the more you do it the more you want it.

Really good to hear....such a shame when people split up when it could have been avoided. Hope it keeps going well for you