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What happens to a relationship if one of you wants sex more than the other?

11 replies

roundbackwiththerestoftheoids · 17/02/2018 21:12

I've been married for nearly 3 years and it's dawning on me that I need sex a lot more than DH. I've found myself masturbating more frequently and even bought a vibrator recently. Every other aspect of our lives is perfect, but I'm vaguely worried that this may be a cause for concern in the future. Can anyone relate? Does it work out ok?

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Louisamay1 · 17/02/2018 21:52

Hmm it's tricky, I'm sure it can work out but it depends how strong your relationship is and communication with each other.
My relationship went through this where I wanted it everyday yet dh wasn't interested. I used to get so frustrated and it did cause a lot of arguments but we've compromised ok twice weekly - and to be honest I'm really happy with that now. Plus we've learnt to talk to each other so we get on better :)

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Rollonweekend · 17/02/2018 23:12

I hear you. I’m in the same position. What annoys me is he sticks his head in the sand and ignores what I’m trying to tell him about my needs and a loving partner should care about your needs..
I haven’t found a solution yet sorry.

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Eric1964 · 18/02/2018 15:12

After ~15 years of marriage, I've come to the conclusion that I just don't do it for my wife. I've always fancied her, but she doesn't fancy me physically. We have sex about once every two or three weeks. I don't satisfy her, because she doesn't want me to. Twice a week would be brilliant. About eight years ago, she had an affair with lots of hot sex (which I know about because the bloke's wife somehow intercepted their emails, printed them, and posted them to me.)

The painful conclusion I've reached is that my wife likes sex, just not particularly with me. I think rugby players are more her type- and she's entitled to a type, I just wish she hadn't pretended it was me.

A poor sex life is an intractable problem.

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Mimsy123 · 18/02/2018 16:28

Hi roundback

I think you need to be open and honest. For example, does he know that you masturbate, and have you told him about your new vibrator?

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roundbackwiththerestoftheoids · 18/02/2018 19:19

Thank you so much for your responses. It's nice to hear I'm not alone. Thank you also Eric it's good to have a man's point of view though I'm sorry to hear about your situation.
Mimsy I haven't really spoken to DH about the situation very much, and definitely not about the vibrator - I think he'd feel a bit threatened by that. I did ask him the other day how sexual he felt on a scale of one to ten and his answer was 4-5 and he then asked me and I said 7-8 so he knows we are slightly at different places.

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Eric1964 · 18/02/2018 19:37

I feel I should apologise for the pessimistic and self-pitying tone of my comment! I should post a thread with a fuller account of my story, rather than hijack others'.

I actually think there's some good advice out there about mismatched sex drives, so I hope you make progress.

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sparly1131 · 18/02/2018 20:42

Eric I think you need to
Leave you're wife surely you deserve more from life. Unless you're a complete twat otherwise 😬😁

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BackToTheCaveman · 18/02/2018 23:08

Eric your wife can do "hot sex" and so can you, but she doesn't want to do it with you. So why are you wasting your lives putting up with shitcrap?

Life is not a rehearsal, from the outside, what advice would you give yourself?

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piratequeenio · 19/02/2018 17:24

It didn't for me.

I'm now having the sex of my life - seriously mindblowing . At 50 with a newish man!!

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roundbackwiththerestoftheoids · 19/02/2018 19:28

Pirate Grin that sounds wonderful! Good for you!

Can I ask - was the sex the main thing that split you up?

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piratequeenio · 20/02/2018 09:01

Not the main thing - I suppose part of it. The growing apart, not being compatible in many ways, the sense that it wasn't going to get better, just worse.

My now DP and I are incredibly close and connected so that helps.

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