Need advice for ED problems

[Brooklands12]

Hi, I have name changed for this but need advice.
For the past 3 years my husband has had trouble maintaining an erection for intercourse. He can get an erection during foreplay etc but as soon as we try to have sex he loses it. Psychologically this is often having a bad effect on us both. There is plenty of love and affection but I would like advice on the way forward from others who have been there and overcome this. I don't want to put undue pressure on him (obviously) but what can we do that doesn't involve PIV that may sound really naive but I've lost confidence and genuinely don't know what to do. Basically I need a lesson or 2 that will fulfill us both and help us relax as I feel that we are in a vicious circle that we both want to get out off but don't know how.
Thanks

Get some viagra!! It's soooooo straightforward and will help, trust me

Thanks, he wants to wait until going down that route. I have suggested it to him as I feel that it would definitely help. So now a bit lost.

What's his reasoning for waiting? Embarrassment? He shouldn't be just do it!!

Probably embarrassment and maybe not wanting to face up to it, I don't know really. I have looked online and Lloyds pharmacy do an online consultation so don't even have to go to the doctor directly. I just have to be patient I suppose.

I "suffer" with ED due, I think, to some spinal nerve damage.

Viagra or Cialis work great for me, both are now available as generic drugs (sildenafil and tadalafil). I prefer cialis as I found that food reduced the effectiveness of Viagra a lot and it has a 4 hour window of opportunity, starting from an hour after taking it, where as Cialis is effective for a day and a half and food seems to have no effect on it.

We generally DTD on either a Saturday or Sunday night so I usually take some early evening on the Saturday and see how things go.

I initially found it really emasculating that I had to use ED drugs so I totally get how he feels but he needs to see it as facilitating his virility (that sounds awful but I can't think of a better way to phrase it) rather than replacing it. These drugs don't give you a hard on they just boost the body's ability to keep one, and its probably a better one than you've had since you were a teenager!

If he doesn’t want to go down the pharmaceutical route, which is fair enough, then he should have a look at his diet and think about taking up some excercise that naturally boosts testosterone levels - heavy weightlifting is an obvious one.

Thank you for your advice, it means a lot as other than my hubby (who is fab). I don't feel I can talk to anyone about it, and there's only so much my hubby wants to talk about it.

Was there an event that kicked this off?

When I was with my ex he had never had problems until the day my 15 Yr old son cheerfully bust into the bedroom while we were most definitely in flagrante delicto.

After that my ex got wilt every time we came to have penetrative sex. Didn't bother me particularly as piv is not my fave anyway.

For us the solution was for me to take the initiative and just lube up his cock and bang it into me without any discussion (obviously I had his consent for this.) I like being on top anyway so this worked well.

After a few weeks the psychological hump was over and he no longer had any problems no matter who was saying "let's have piv"

ED is complex. It can be physical or it can be psychological. Generally the suggested test is that if a man has morning erections then it will be psychological but if he doesn't then it's likely to be physical. Physical ED can come from age or too much weight, but can be a symptom of other things like diabetes. You don't say how old your DH is, but if he is 50+, things have worked well in the past and there's nothing obvious to have caused the ED then I would suggest looking for physical causes.

Viagra and similar drugs are often a good place to start. They don't work for everyone (and if Viagra doesn't work then that suggests serious physical problems) but when they do the erection they produce tends to be strong enough that it won't just collapse, which can deal with psychological problems. On the other hand, Viagra makes it more difficult to orgasm and ejaculate. The risk is that if there is an underlying physical problem, that gets masked by the Viagra until the day the Viagra stops working.

But Viagra is now available on the NHS (at least in England) and from my experience it's not that difficult to persuade a GP to prescribe. Even if you pay prescription charges, it's cheaper that way than most online pharmacies.

It may seem embarrassing, but I like having sex with DW and she seems to like having sex with me, so when the time came to man up and ask the doctor it wasn't that much of a hurdle.

Thanks. Hubby is 44 and gets morning erections. I honestly think it's psychological, he was knackered and stressed from work and I think that after the first time it happened everything became over thought. I will have a chat again about viagra but don't want to put pressure on him.

Good luck!

I don't think that the morning erection thing is entirely accurate, ED isn't simply an inability to get an erection, indeed part of the consultation for viagra establishes that you do, it's a reduced ability to sustain one.