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Original poster

Is this weird?

17 replies

HoursOfFun · 06/02/2018 21:43

Is this scenario strange?

Went away with a partner for a night. Had lots of sex - but he did not cum. Then in morning he gets out phone, starts watching porn and wanking. He sort of vaguely tried to involve me but not really. I just felt totally surplus to requirements. And he was totally unconcerned when it was obvious that I was disengaged - just carried on like I wasn't there. It made me feel really lonely and annoyed (I hadn't cum either).

For context: we have sometimes watched porn together - I'm relaxed about it.

What I find weird is the way he just

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Original poster
HoursOfFun · 06/02/2018 21:44

Oops - posted too soon

Wanted to say also: he never, ever cums from sex, or me doing things - only from wanking himself off.

Again this makes me feel lonely.

He is a good and generous lover in all other ways and a loving person.

Is it porn addiction? If so how do I get him to realise that he can cum with me?

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Jellyheadbang · 07/02/2018 03:19

How rude and selfish. How long have you been together?
Fair enough if you share porn occasionally but this was not sharing.
I hate selfish lovers.

Original poster
HoursOfFun · 07/02/2018 08:12

Been together about 18 months but it's a FWB situation really - and that's mutual

Glad to have my feelings confirmed

He's a strange mixture - can be so generous, then he goes and does something like that

But as well as being just basic selfish fuck wittedness I wondered if this is what happens when men get addicted to porn?

Like is it possible that he just can't cum without? To be honest now I'm struggling to remember a time when he has without - but before it has been more shared.
This was the first time I've basically felt like a gooseberry between him and his stupid phone

He's message me twice since we said goodbye and said what a great time he had and how I am 'extraordinary'

And I just feel 'meh' and can't really be bothered to answer
I don't know if he'd even understand what I was talking about if I said 'yeah, that episode with your phone wasn't great for me'

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NotTheFordType · 07/02/2018 11:03

Sounds like he's given himself the deathgrip syndrome from wanking himself off with too much force.

He can re-train his dick, but it's a slow process.

Having a wank while you were just laying there is really quite odd in my opinion.

Original poster
HoursOfFun · 07/02/2018 13:55

Deathgrip syndrome? I must research!!

Yes I thought it was odd too. Just weird

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PlaymobilPirate · 07/02/2018 22:17

He didn't cum and nor did you? Is that usual? If yes then you're missing the benefits bit of your fwb!

balsamicbarbara · 07/02/2018 22:24

Could he possibly have a sensory disorder. I've read that Asperger's sufferers can have this issue.

Original poster
HoursOfFun · 08/02/2018 01:20

PlayMobil - ha ha ha! Very true
It's weird. I cum much less with him than other men but I can't seem to break it off with him - the sex is different to what I've had before. A lot more experiemtnal and role play and that has kept me hooked but then he seems so odd In some ways that I think it would be better for me to end it.

I find the following things odd:

  1. he seems unable to read cues from me - says stuff like 'did you cum?' when there's no way I could have
  2. he suddenly loses his erection sometimes for no apparent reason
  3. he takes ages and ages to cum and only does from masturbating

But despite all that I have had fun with him and he makes me feel really good in lots of ways - strange as that sounds.

But often I think 'I should get out of this'

Balsamicbarbara - I'm pretty sure it's too much porn. He's told me he watches porn every day. I told him once that it could lead to sexual problems - or so I'd read. He tried to stop watching it for a week and he said he felt 'less of a man'

I actually think he must have a problem

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NotTheFordType · 10/02/2018 22:56

It's not the watching of the porn that's a problem, it's the strangulation grip he has on his cock.

He can re-train his cock. If he wants to. Does he? Have you told him straight "I find it upsetting that you can't orgasm inside me"?

sadiesnakes · 11/02/2018 11:56

I'm pretty sure it's too much porn. He's told me he watches porn every day. I told him once that it could lead to sexual problems - or so I'd read. He tried to stop watching it for a week and he said he felt 'less of a man'

Definitely sounds like a death grip issue, but excessive use of porn is often the root and cause of death grip. Daily use of porn is excessive and pretty much sounds like an addiction at this stage. Excessive use of porn is well known to cause PIED and there are plenty of sub forums on Reddit with men trying to break their porn use addictions, r/nofap and r/pornfree to name a few. It's a real problem for men and can lead to dysfunctional sexual relationships, causing severe self esteem issues for the women involved and these guys often end up alone and regretful with a very tough porn habit to break.

Lexie82 · 11/02/2018 16:19

Sounds like my man Grin
Took him over 8 months before he cum "normally" with me. Before that it was all via him wanking but I was involved in the process.

He realised he had a porn addiction and he stopped the death grip wanking.... as it's been put in these post.

It's not really normal and he can re train his dick to go back to cumin via normal intercourse but he will have to stop the porn and the DIY.

But you need to talk to him about it. How it made you feel and what he needs to do to change it, if he wants to. He might not though so where does that leave you?! Prepared to stay and carry on?

I did but only because I didn't know the non cuming was down to over excessive porn use and as soon as I found out and he stopped the bedroom sorted it self out.

Good luck - talk and decided what your willing to put up with and make boundaries.

notenoughbottletonight · 12/02/2018 10:06

The man I'm seeing at the moment is the same, we can have sex for hours and he cums after about two hours of constant sex with a few tiny breaks in between where I might give him oral etc. I was wondering if it was cause he's circumcised but now thinking it's death grip too!

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 12/02/2018 15:48

Sounds like way too much porn. Not sure what you can do about that to be honest if you're not really in a relationship and he says he feels like less of a man for not watching it?!

It doesn't sound like a lot of benefits in this FWB...he doesn't cum and you don't cum as much as usual. It sounds like he doesn't know your body very well either if he's asking if you came when you couldn't have. He should know what does it for you after 18 months!

Original poster
HoursOfFun · 12/02/2018 22:44

Thanks for all the replies

I think it definitely is too much porn

It's not just his lack of ability to cum, also he just has the thing about him than men who watch too much porn have - he seems stuck in his own head, not able to respond to me. I was telling him a fantasy the other day and he kept interrupting and going 'and then xxxx would happen'

And what he was saying was just sort of totally out of step with what I was trying to tell him in every way - and then I just gave up trying to tell him because actually he didn't seem that interested in what was in my head.

I should just stop seeing him really. When I don't see him he sends really loving messages 'I need you, sex with you is the best I've ever had, you're beautiful'.
But when I'm actually dtd with him -well... meh... for all the reasons I've said.

The last FWB before him tho, I had incredible sex, but he was a head fuck, mind games etc and I just had to escape. It became psychologically abusive.

But this situation is sort of emotionally satisfying but not physically- and its supposed to be opposite with FWB!!

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PrimalLady · 15/02/2018 20:49

I had a fwb when I was younger and he had trouble orgasming and it could take a loong time. I don't think he cause his himself. I got to know him fairly well and I'd be surprised if that's the case. He never needed porn tho it just took a really long time.

I just wanted him off a lot. He said I was the only one who ever made him do it without him doing most of the work himself lol.

However, there is no excuse for him not to improve on the rest of it. It would lead to much more satisfying sex for himself for starters. It is not difficult to pay attention.

Afternooncatnap · 23/02/2018 22:33

Why does he need a fuck buddy if he can't cum from sex?

Why do you want a fwb who can't satisfy you. That defeats the object surely.

It's a pointless relationship.

Original poster
HoursOfFun · 24/02/2018 17:28

I struggle to understand myself tbh

Sometimes I think we're just good friends without benefits

He can be very supportive and good to talk to

I have cum a few times with him and when I have it's been great - but it's not often

He makes me feel very attractive and he showers me with compliments - I think I'm addicted to the attention but I know it's sexually a bit odd and that we are not connecting in some way

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