I think the universe is telling me I shouldn't have sex...

[KnittingNancy2017]

I just want to shout or scream about it so am writing it here. Not sure whether I want sympathy or be told to pull myself together!

I'm a (very!) late starter. I've been in a relationship for just under a year, and although we did other things (fingers, bit of oral), it's only in the last few weeks we've had full sex.

The first time was a bit sore and I bled, but wasn't too surprised by that. The second time I was more relaxed and it didn't hurt, but I got quite a bad UTI (blood in urine, high temperature, generally feeling rotten).

Anyway, antibiotics sorted that. We did it again, and the condom broke! I've taken the MAP, which was probably unecessary because we stopped as soon as we realised, but I'd rather be safe.

I know I should have sorted my own contraception, but with Christmas it's been hard to get an appointment, and a lot of people use condoms for years with no problems!

Urgh, I just feel like giving up... I'm nervous about it anyway because it's all new, and this really hasn't helped. But really, three times resulting in a UTI and a split condom - I've been unlucky haven't I?!

I think you've just been unlucky.
Take it easy and get back to it when you are ready.

I don't know why you say you should have sorted your own contraception out. What's wrong with using condoms? They don't usually break and will protect you from STDs as well.

I know logically you're right, but having one break was a bit scary and made me wish we were doubling up methods. He's said before he'd be happier with me using something as well, but we both thought we'd be fine with condoms for a couple of weeks - we don't stay with each other every night so it wouldn't have been that many times.

Make sure you throw the rest of the packet of condoms away. This wasn’t something I found out was a thing until the 2nd one broke on us.

Are the condoms the correct size? Was it put on correctly?
Having a wee straight after sex reduces uti chances.

I didn't know that either chris!

Jesses, as far as I know, yes. He got one the wrong way around and immediately got another out so I think he'd be pretty conscientious if it felt wrong. They're not a standard size so I presume he knows what fits him. The doctor told me about the UTI thing, another thing I didn't know!

My schools sex ed was very good about consent and only doing things you feel comfortable with and not feeling pushed, but I think there was a bit of an assumption you'd stop consenting at some point! So whilst the feelings were dealt with well, the practicalities weren't talked about in much detail (and tbh it was quite a while ago).