How to avoid a sore bottom

[CheekyChaCha]

DH and I have started having bumsex recently. So far we have done it twice. While it is true that the sensation is pretty odd and it isn’t physically as good as straight sex, overall I really enjoyed it and want to do it again. However there is a problem. Both times my bottom has been swollen and sore for five days afterwards. It’s not so sore that it stops me doing anything in the day but it’s still not great. I assume this must be because we are not preparing properly. While we are actually having bumsex it does hurt a little but it is not too bad.

We do use plenty of lube (coconut oil) and start with putting two fingers in me. Maybe we aren’t doing this right though or long enough?

Could anyone who can remember the first times they had bumsex give me a detailed recipe for how I should be preparing for bumsex to avoid the sore bottom problem please.

If your DH needs more penetration time than you are able to cope with, then you need to do some PIV or other stimulation first so that he is closer to orgasm.
He has to respond to you. You might have just been overdoing it.

Why are you asterisking?

If you can't say "fuck" then I cannot stress enough how unready for anal sex you are.

NotTheFordType I thought it was funny.

After care is important too .apply creams after clean up .
Moisture cream or thing thst does not hurt.
A salt bath is good if really sore .

Never done any aftercare! Moisture creams?
Never got sore enough to need a salt bath.

No aftercare here either... or mositurising

Never considered a salt bath - if youre sore enough to need one, isnt it a bit....stingy? Id suggest more lube.

I have diagnosed the problem. I am just too impatient when it comes to sex. I don’t want DH to spend minutes not doing much while I get used to his cock. That’s not sex to me. So I demand he goes hard and fast and then it takes me five or six days to recover. The punchline is that bumsex doesn’t suit my personality it seems.

That’s not sex to me
that makes me very sad...you actually sound like a teenage boy.

Guess you're just gonna have put up with days of a sore arse then.

yeah i find there's no secret to it - plenty of lube and go slow and gentle, only speed up once you've settled to the sensation but he will always have to be a bit steady/mindful - and pull out slow! i never experience pain or after effects. i didnt build up with fingers or plugs, and second the idea that 'sustained stretch' from deepness is best

So I demand he goes hard and fast
Sounds more like you want to get it over and done with as quickly as possible.

Sounds more like you want to get it over and done with as quickly as possible.

It does, doesn't it?

I have much better orgasms if I've resisted the "hard & fast" bit for as long as possible, no matter what sort of sex I'm having.

I can come as fast as you like, but it's nothing like as satisfying as having to be frustrated to the point of climbing the walls wait for it

edibleweirdo Does sustained stretch from deepness mean holding his penis still and deep in you until you relax?

AkimboLimbo I do actually really enjoy it but the pure physical sensation is not as good for me as straight sex. What makes up for that is the excitement. That's why being really slow doesn't really work for me as I get neither the physical pleasure of straight sex nor the dirty pleasure of exciting bumsex. Horses for courses as they say.

Try using a dildo in your vagina at the same time, then you get the sensation you like as well as the "dirty pleasure"

cheeky, it was in relation to what someone said upthread - one person said they liked shallow, but this person I'm too lazy to check names said they liked deep better and yes I agree with that. I find when they pull out, if they go too fast it gets a bit squirmy for me. If they were thrusting shallowly and quickly, it'd be that same effect constantly - no good! My ex was a bit of a knob for getting carried away, but hubby can contain himself - he will go verrry slowly, steadily and firmly until properly docked and then just small thrusts (can be quite quick though) so we don't get that pulling-out-too-quick sensation. HTH! Happy bumming!

PS: I have to be relaxed before he goes in, I personally achieve this by lying on my front with my hips on a firm pillow and literally just relaxing myself. i find if I have to be active at all, like doggy or something, I can lose the relaxation and tense up too much.

If you want it to be all fast and hard from the get go, you're opening yourself up (LOL) to a lot of potential problems.

Your vagina is designed to expand, both for sex and for childbirth. Your bum is not. You cannot treat them the same way.

if you're swollen up for 4-5 days after anal sex, it's your body telling you "PLEASE STOP THIS, I CAN'T COPE!"

I'm a big fan of anal in my private life and I've had it with guys who were well endowed with no pain, because we took it slowly. Yes we might have finished with it being hard and fast, but that's because we spent 15-20 minutes going slowly and gently first.

If it's the taboo nature of anal that turns you on, maybe try having vaginal sex but also using toys on your arse at the same time, or him banging you (vaginally) from behind with a finger in your bum?

Some good suggestions thank you.

I don't mind slow at first as long as DH doesn't have to be completely still for ages and it can end up hard and fast at the end .

While we are chatting, can anyone recommend an attractive looking vaginal dildo? One that a woman might actually find sexy that is.

Love Honey has a good range - I think the glass toys are pretty

Haha, i have a lovehoney glass dildo, its beautiful and feels very....novel!

@CheekyChaCha as someone who loves anal sex all I can say is... you've got to want it for it to be good and for it not to hurt. I personally like to think about my partner fucking me in the ass whilst we are having 'straight' sex. When I'm ready, I instigate it (always) and I take control of it with regards to him entering me. Used to have problems during and after with an ex. Mainly because he wanted it and I didn't. With my current partner, I always want it!!! Also, no lube required. If you're turned on enough beforehand that is. Best of luck! X

I've been there before and it's never fun. The only thing that helps me is lube, lube and more lube!!! You can never have to much honestly. DH and I spend a lot of time playing beforehand because unless I'm at the height of arousal my body just rejects it. You'll always have a bit of discomfort for a while after but shouldn't persist for more than a day if even that. Best of luck!! x

Thank you AlisonHendrix.

In relation to other advice here, I hope it's not unfair but as soon as I read "no lube required" I immediately discount the entire message.