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Why did he do this?

11 replies

Upsettingsituation · 26/12/2017 12:52

I’m not sure what to make of this so I’m just going to explain as best I can and see what you think.
About 2 months ago and old FWB got in touch. Not seen him for about 10 years. We always had a spark but never got together officially.
About a month ago he invited himself on my night out. One thing led to another and we ended up in bed. DTD that night and again in the morning. For me the spark wasn’t really there any more but hey ho.
After we’d had sex in the morning I was lying with my back to him dozing and he just entered me again, without warning. It hurt and I told him to get off. He carried on for a while but I told him again to stop it and he eventually did. He said I turn him on that much he couldn’t help it Confused
We’ve since fallen out (over him expecting me to be available for a shag every time he’s pissed). I haven’t seen him since that morning.
Looking back on it now I feel a bit used and abused. I’m not by any means crying rape but I did feel violated by it. I think it showed an absolute lack of respect for me. Do you think I’m being unreasonable?
He wanted us to start a proper relationship but I wasn’t feeling it and after that I wouldn’t anyway. I don’t hanker after a man that feels entitled just to shove his cock into you whenever he feels he wants to. Urghhh

OP posts:
BettyBaggins · 26/12/2017 13:02

Some boundaries are a bit blurry and this sounds like one of those occasions. I once had a situation similar where I wanted him to pull out before he came but he didnt until I had asked a few times. I felt upset afterwards too.

I think you know you dont want to carry on your fwb with him and had already decided that when he tried to shag the last time.

Take care of yourself please and maybe stand back from fwb relationships at this time, it sounds like you need something deeper but not with Mr Slipitin!

Flowers Cake Wine

Upsettingsituation · 26/12/2017 13:05

Haha. I’m fine with FWB situations. Just not with him. I agree blurred boundaries and all that but it did feel disrespectful to do that without warning.
Mr Slipitin Grin

OP posts:
Eleanorsummer · 26/12/2017 14:20

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I've had a similar experience, it hurt so I told him no but he carried on, so then I just kept silent. I still feel resentment now.
When he didn't the stop the first time you asked then that was rape. You're definitely better off without someone like that.

AkimboLimbo · 26/12/2017 17:14

I don't think there are any blurred boundaries at all here. He is a selfish abusive wanker, he wanted sex and he took it. It didn't occur to him that you should have any say in the matter. He treated you like a sex doll. Your consent was irrelevant let alone your pleasure. His pathetic excuse is just shit. Of course he could help himself, he chose not to because he doesn't care how you feel. He didn't even care that he was hurting you. Hence you fall out because you are not providing him sex to suit his whim. He feels entitled to have sex with you when he wants to. Your only purpose is to provide him with sex.
He will do it again given half the chance because he sees you as an object for him to use.

You deserve so much better. This isn't how fuck buddies or relationships should work.

MiserableAsSin · 26/12/2017 19:52

. It hurt and I told him to get off. He carried on for a while

In what universe is 'get off' a blurred boundary ?

Upsettingsituation · 27/12/2017 09:58

Akimbo you’re right. He did treat me like a sex doll. He was messaging me a week ago when I was out with my friends and when I didn’t answer the messages turned abusive. Whatever it was is over anyway. We’d been friends 20 years. I clearly didn’t know him well at all. Horrible bastard

OP posts:
areynold · 27/12/2017 17:01

Have you spelt out to him how wrong it was for him not to stop the moment you told him to? There is case law on this I believe and he could well be up for a rape charge, depending on the exact details of what happened.

chestylarue52 · 27/12/2017 18:27

There are no blurred boundaries here wtf

Josuk · 27/12/2017 22:20

OP - not stopping immediately when you told him it hurt - that is unforgivable.

The bit about when you are in bed, and had sex and were lazying about, and entered you again is a lot more blurred.
It can be all seen as a continuation of the morning ‘session’. Next go, so to speak.
Unless some sort of a ‘warning’ always happens in your interactions with him, absence of such warning in this case doesn’t seem strange.

coconuttella · 28/12/2017 07:43

He was completely out of order by not stopping immediately. He’s an abusive twat and I’d never see him again.

As an aside, the fact he entered you like that implies you weren’t using condoms?... which given he was a FWB you hadn’t slept with for 10 years seems very reckless!

Ginkypig · 03/01/2018 16:04

It doesn't matter how much sex you had before or how good a friendship you thought you had or anything else for that matter, He entered you without consent and didn't stop when you told him to that is rape/sexual assault!

Of course it's entirely up to you how you feel or want to label what happened, it was you who experienced it so you get to control how your brain decides to feel/think about it. I'm just pointing out the bare facts so you don't add any blame or feel that you had any part in what happened.

I'm glad to see you say horrible bastard and I hope you block him and never have to see/speak to him ever again.

Oh and I'm not telling you you should go but if you wanted to what happened is a police matter.

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