Sex disappearing in relationship

[Tmgc123]

Hi all,

So me and my partner got together almost 3 years ago. We originally weren’t planning on actually getting into a relationship- as terrible as that sounds- it was just about sex!

However, we got on so well and liked each other so much that we got together, and our sex life was always fantastic too.

I got pregnant just over 12 months ago, my DD is about 4.5months.

I must say, my partner is a fantastic dad, he’s hands on, he looks after me when I need it, he’s brilliant. But...

Since I started showing he just lost interest in sex. When I was in the 2nd trimester and horny as hell he turned me down.

We went on holiday before the baby arrived but even being away with less worries he wasn’t interested.

The baby was born and 6 weeks later I was ready, thinking now I’m not eating it pregnant he may want to again...no.
We’ve discussed it several times, and eventually he said he just doesn’t have a sex drive, and he’d go to the GP, but he hasn’t.

He’s not trying at all, and after so long of bringing it up I just don’t know what to do.

I haven’t been breaking his balls, I’ve not even put on loads of weight...I’m a bit softer than I was but I’m a size 8-10.
We don’t have a stressful life, we live mortgage free and I contribute 50% to running costs, so it’s not that he’s got to support me. I even had a full Hollywood wax for the 1st time since birth as I know he’s not a big fan of hair!

He’s always had a very healthy sex drive, to the point where I was a little put off by his “number”.

It’s getting to a point where I feel uncomfortable and I don’t even really want to have sex with him. Has anyone else been through this?

You seem to be putting an awful lot of effort into making yourself right for him. It seems very one-sided. He isn't putting any effort into your relationship. You can't make him care. It sounds more like he is putting distance between you.

I hear what you’re saying... I mean he’s never been affectionate at night time in bed (sleeping, snuggles etc)but he’s trying and having a small cuddle before sleep but I just find it uncomfortable because I know he doesn’t enjoy it. So I guess in ways he’s trying...

Is he legit low sex drive or did he replace you with porn during pregnancy and never came back?

As far as I know he did not... I’ve asked and he wouldve told me. He’s never been into porn, we’ve talked about it and he knows I don’t have a problem with it, so no need to lie.

If he had that would be kind of shit because I really wanted sex during pregnancy!

I'd ask him to go to docs. Lack of intimacy on results in rejection and sadness. You deserve a sex life!

Yes it does, and it’s ruining our relationship.

He said he would and didn’t, and then when I brought it up he had a reason why. (Which I can’t remember!!)

Personally

Sorry typing with left hand!

Personally I think he still loves me, but I’ve gone from Young, fun, and carefree, to a mother, and he’s just not attracted to me.

It makes me really sad.

Sorry typing with left hand!

Childish, I know, but given the subject matter that made me laugh

I don’t know what you can do, other than maybe some relationship counselling. Either way, I hope you can work it out.

🤣 haha true!

Thank you Mimsy123... I’m sure we will, I’m just not sure how! I don’t doubt he loves me, would just like to be able to be intimate before it’s too late.

I had a friend who went through the same thing with her partner, once she became a mum he saw her in a different light and although he really respected her, etc, but the sex part disappeared cos he just didn’t see her in that light anymore, they eventually broke up, hope you can find resolution OP

Thank you CalmingBalm, I really hope so too. X

I just did a long reply on another thread here with much the same issue. Won't repeat everything, but the main points apply all the same:

If your partner refuses to communicate and engage to address the problem, then he's effectively forcing the status quo on you. He's stonewalling you. No partnership can work like that. Yes there will always be difficulties and challenges to work through in a relationship, but if they're not addressed, they will simply fester.

We must all know our own boundaries and limits and be resolute in sticking to them, otherwise our concerns will eventually be brushed off when no follow up action is taken. What you want is totally reasonable and he should accept that and be willing to engage and do something about it.

Lastly, the sex thing is usually a symptom of something else going on, whether it be emotional disconnection, physical health, stress, someone else on the scene etc. Until we get to the root cause, we're pissing in the wind.

Be brave and good luck