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Original poster

bad sex and no intimacy with new man

44 replies

alldownhillfromhere · 14/12/2017 20:53

I've started dating a man who is perfect (so far) in every way and everything between us is brilliant, but the sex is awful and I don't know what to do about it. I've had two lengthy relationships and a handful of sexual partners, whereas he's slept with over a hundred women and his relationships have been much shorter and many of them. When we're together he's constantly surprised that I want to be affectionate, or tell him how much I enjoy his body, or look into his eyes - like it's weird and abnormal. I don't have all his experience - am I weird? He's finding it very difficult to get turned on by me because I'm "so loving" and he has to close his eyes and concentrate to get aroused. He will only have sex in positions that to me feel impersonal, like he's miles away from me. He often loses his erection. I'm feeling all my confidence ebbing away because clearly I'm not very sexy. Advice please - how can I improve for him? He's in his 50s, I'm 10 years younger.

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 14/12/2017 21:56

You aren't "inexperienced". Having lots of one night stands might mean that he has seen more boobs and foofs than you have seen willies, but not that he is some kind of sex god

Original poster
alldownhillfromhere · 14/12/2017 22:03

Yes we met online and in every other way we get on so well. He tells me that one of his wives was amazing in bed and very demanding, so perhaps he actually needs someone more confident, less "cute" as he calls me.

OP posts:
Original poster
alldownhillfromhere · 14/12/2017 22:04

Anyway, I'm getting the message! We're not compatible!

OP posts:
Smeaton · 14/12/2017 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gamerchick · 14/12/2017 22:11

Dump him. If he fails at pleasing you in bed or doesn’t even try then he’s rubbish at it.

Selfish in bed types don’t make a good long term thing.

JaneEyre70 · 14/12/2017 22:11

If the sex is crap now, imagine 5 years down the line. Is he worth wasting the rest of your sexual active years on? He has a lifetime of bad habits, and frankly if he's not a good lover by his age, he ain't ever going to be. It would be a No from me. And please say you've been safe given the amount of partners he's had..........

BestZebbie · 14/12/2017 22:11

The facts as presented:

  1. He's slept with 100 women
  2. He has slept with you and hasn't instantly ghosted you/seems up for a replay
  3. He is shit at sex QED: 99 previous women have reached this point and dumped him for his crap technique.
HellonHeels · 14/12/2017 22:18

He tells you how great his ex was in bed? Shock WTF?! Who wants to hear that from a partner?

It's not you, it's him. Dump him and promise yourself never to put up with crap sex again.

Hellywelly10 · 14/12/2017 22:23

He sounds like the type to haing around online.
It's quite disrespectful for him to discuss his ex partners with you.
It's him not you.

Original poster
alldownhillfromhere · 14/12/2017 22:45

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I'm 46 and not feeling like much of a catch so yes, I need to find a way to feel like I deserve a bit better. I'm getting what you're saying Smile Feeling it might take a bit longer.

OP posts:
flapjackfairy · 15/12/2017 09:51

I would take everything he says with a pinch of salt! And all those ' relationships ' and soulless sex are an indicator of massive problems.
Ps how many ex wives are there? I would imagine several.
Really move on asap .

AdalindSchade · 15/12/2017 09:54

It's not you who is the problem. He can only have porno style impersonal sex because (I assume) he has intimacy issues. You aren't obliged to 'please' him and you won't be able to because he's not capable of intimate sex.

expatinscotland · 15/12/2017 09:57

'I've started dating a man who is perfect (so far) in every way and everything between us is brilliant, but the sex is awful and I don't know what to do about it.'

No, he's not perfect. He is shit in bed. You are incompatible. The only thing you can do about this shit sex is move on.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/12/2017 10:00

He's had lots of one-off sex with lots of women...don't you wonder why they didn't come back for more from him?

And I'd bet my mortgage that porn is a factor too

Move on, Nobody deserves crap sex

JustAnIdiot · 15/12/2017 16:54

If he keeps losing his erection he might just be racing to finish before it droops! Viagra or similar might help.

If he has to close his eyes & concentrate then most likely he's fantasising about something other than you like the porn he hasn't admitted to which is pretty crap.

mickhucknallspinkpancakes · 16/12/2017 09:06

It's the Madonna/Whore complex isn't it?

Because you are sweet and caring and loving you obviously can't be the dirty, disrespectful sex maniac in the bedroom.

Which after years of doing, he now accepts as the way sex is done.

He's narrow minded and I agree not perfect.

HungerOfThePine · 16/12/2017 16:16

This kind of sex will ruin your self esteem, it is not you it is him. He must have some intimacy issues and doesn't associate sex with it.

I had a dp like that and I wish I never kept trying, he had watched too much porn and never had a meaningful relationship before.
He tried bless him but the issues were deep rooted and we eventually split.
I've since found a good few men that gave the affection and intimacy that anyone should have in a relationship and they had the desire to please me.

There's better out there op don't waste your time and self esteem.

Jellyheadbang · 17/12/2017 00:14

I can’t believe he said his ex was amazing in bed. What a cunt. Dump him!

ForalltheSaints · 17/12/2017 17:08

I hope I am wide of the mark, but if the 100 women figure is true, I would bet that some of them are members of the oldest profession, or he is a serial cheater.

You deserve better and he does not deserve you.

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