Partner started having problems

[Adviceneededhelp]

So been with my partner about 7 months and sex has been great. But lately he's started having issues with staying hard during sex. Like he will be fine first, lose it and get it back again in a few mins and we carry on.

He's not stressed about anything, not a very stressed kind of person. This hasn't happened before either but only just started happening in the last week.

Unsure if it's me, he says it isn't and it just happens. He uses porn when not with me, we don't live together, but he's neatly always here anyway. Any ideas? I do wonder if it's a side effect of the anti histamines he has to take, anyone know? Cheers.

What is actually happening during the 'losing it' phase? Is he spending time 'concentrating' on you and therefore not thinking about himself?

Without stimulation, it is not surprising for things to 'go down' a little. The penis is not a machine that stays 'switched on' indefinitely.

Didn't think antihistamines had an effect in this area, but other drugs can.

No it's not when he's concentrating on me, always happens when we start having sex. Have to stop and then continue.

This is clearly a psychological blocker that is kicking in.

Some times if the guy is using condoms, it can cause issues if for example, he has previously not had sex for a long time or he has been in a previous long term relationship where condoms were not used.

There are of course other reasons..

The problem is of course that it becomes a learned response and just keeps replaying in his mind thus causing a kind of performance anxiety and a re-occurrence.

As an attempted fix, perhaps you could change tack? Instead of him being the initiator of penetration, perhaps you could slip on top and see what happens,taking a more active approach?

We don't use condoms, I've got the implant. I've tried going on top too, doesn't help, still happens. I mean it's not a big issue really, he eventually gets hard again and we continue but it's a little puzzling that's it just started happening.

Although just looked on his phone and he's been watching private videos through a Facebook site that's in Spanish repeatedly. Dunno what it is as didn't watch the video but I'm gonna guess it's porn. And judging by his Internet history he watched it while in my house, probably while I was asleep again.

Could it be 'death grip' ?search it on reddit-seems to be a problem for a lot of men

Can you remember the first time it happened - was it brought on my something, like a surprising noise, someone knocking on the door, etc?

In my last LTR my DS (aged 15 and bloody well knew better) deliberately came into our bedroom without knocking while my ex and I were having sex. Obviously the moment was lost!

From then on, every time we attempted penetrative sex, he would lose his erection and we'd end up just having oral instead.

Then after a few weeks of this I realised it was becoming a self fulfilling prophecy. Usually we would start with kissing, then oral on me, then oral on him, then sex. So I decided to just start with PIV straight away, so his dick didn't have a chance to wilt under pressure. Basically I just went from kissing him to getting on top and riding him. Worked like a charm and he didn't even realise - about a month later I said to him "You realise we haven't had any problems with PIV since I started my surprise attacks?" and he was like oh wow, I never noticed.

After that it was like the worry was gone from his head and we never had any further problems.