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Original poster

New to sex problem

23 replies

bullywee · 31/10/2017 20:33

Ok this is a little embarassing. I am in my early 30s and am just beginning to have sex for the first time (I was horribly overweight from about 8 but lost the weight and bagged myself a guy). Anyway, I digress.

My new boyf and I have been trying to actively have sex for a while but he simply can't get it in - i wont expand to take him if that makes sense?

He seems to be what I would expect average size to be and he also says he is average sized so it is not because he is so big.

Without going in to too much detail, we have tried sex toys but still having the same problem. We ensure that i am highly aroused and we have used what seems to be gallons of lube but still no luck. I am able to take a finger but literally nothing more. We have also tried various positions.

Any suggestions?

OP posts:
JWrecks · 31/10/2017 20:43

Yikes. You've tried just about everything I would suggest!

I don't know what all you've tried, so I'll try to be explicit without being crude.

When you're highly aroused, you will be soaking wet. Like it can get onto your knickers. Nipple stimulation, tickling, touching him, etc., can get you to that point.

Has he tried one finger, then giving you oral, then trying another? Could you work up from there?

Also, has he tried just going for it - obviously not violently tearing you apart or anything! - and you've had to stop him? Or is it just not possible at all?

And let me just say, I'm sorry, love. That sounds terribly frustrating!

Marriageoftrueminds · 31/10/2017 20:45

Hello OP, I had a family friend who had a condition called Vaginismus (I think) which is an involuntary contraction of the muscles down there, she went to the doctor about it and think she has some counselling as it was a psychological problem - but before that they will probably want to check there is no physical reason such as a thick hymen. Please don’t suffer in silence and don’t avoid the doctor out of embarrassment, they see it ALL the time and treatment will work wonders.

Good luck and enjoy your new relationship x

JWrecks · 31/10/2017 20:45

One more question: has he had sex before? If he's also new to it, that could complicate matters, but if he is familiar with the goings on, as it were, then he's likely to be much more helpful.

Original poster
bullywee · 31/10/2017 21:06

Yes he has had relationships before, he has a kid, so definitely has popped his cherry!

I was thinking of going to the GP but it is a little embarrassing as you can imagine.

He has tried just going for it but just no luck. We spent an absolute fortune on sex toys of different sizes and shapes but anything thicker than a finger will not go in!

It is horribly depressing!

OP posts:
Marriageoftrueminds · 31/10/2017 21:09

Feel for you OP. Go see your doctor. You can always ask for a female one although in my experience either is fine, doctors have chosen their job because they want to help people. It will be a weight off your mind once you’ve gone, I promise you.

Blackcatonthesofa · 31/10/2017 21:20

My colleagues cousin had this. Apparantly one of the treatments is starting with a small stick-like object and then gradually inserting bigger ones so it stretches. Apparantly its easier to stretch gradually then put a whole penis inside at once. They have two babies now so I guess it worked.

Blackcatonthesofa · 31/10/2017 21:21

I'd like to add that she was treated in the hospital by a specialist. So no fumbling at home.

EvilCleverDog · 31/10/2017 21:32

Have you never had a smear test?

Original poster
bullywee · 31/10/2017 21:40

No. I have never bothered as, I believe, they are not a requirement for virgins?

OP posts:
bigchris · 31/10/2017 21:43

Do you use Tampax?

MMcanny · 31/10/2017 21:48

My flat mate had this 20 years ago. I don't think it's that unusual. I think like someone else said it's an involuntary spasm of the muscles down there. Flat mate is now married to a man so I guess she worked it out though they've no children.

Original poster
bullywee · 31/10/2017 21:49

I dabbled with tampons when I was a teenager but had problems with them and found towels much easier so have just used towels for the last 15 years or so.

I guess I will be making an appointment for the GP in the morning...

Thanks for the advice.

OP posts:
JWrecks · 31/10/2017 22:26

Yeah, definitely definitely go see the GP then. I understand it's embarrassing, but they'll have seen it all before. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to surprise a GP!

pudding21 · 01/11/2017 10:45

You absolutely should have a smear test. It isn't just for sexually active women. A GP visit with a female doctor is the way to go. Good luck.

NotTheFordType · 01/11/2017 11:42

Gradual stretching is probably the way to go here. Basically your vagina has just never been stretched by any object larger than your finger or a tampon.

There's a long and very informative article here about a woman with the same problem:
jezebel.com/how-i-learned-to-relax-my-tense-vagina-1787081192

You will need to go to the GP first, but there is treatment that can help, don't despair!

neuroticnumpty · 03/11/2017 22:29

I had this issue as a teen. I too found it embarrassing. In the end I was messing around with a boyfriend and he kind of put it in by surprise. I was amazed that it has worked and after that i never had a problem...

WickedLazy · 05/11/2017 14:44

How are you getting on op? Have you tried alone, or always with him?

Original poster
bullywee · 05/11/2017 19:12

I have a GP appointment this week. Will keep you informed. Having plenty of fun with my boyfriend but no luck as yet.

OP posts:
WickedLazy · 05/11/2017 22:38

Have you tried masterbating alone?

WickedLazy · 05/11/2017 22:40

If you could relax, with no expectations or pressure, and just enjoy yourself, it might help.

Freshfaced85 · 05/11/2017 23:17

I had this issue but it was very psychological. I went to the gp (they were great) and got some inserts. Essentially plastic things that screwed onto a stick. Started tiny and grew in size. I had to insert them regularly in a relaxed environment on my own and slowly build up to the larger sizes until I was more stretched and no longer tore.
Good luck.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 11/12/2017 11:58

Any luck op?

Whinesalot · 11/12/2017 12:03

How do you get on, on your own?

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