Depression and intimacy

[emptyusername]

Hi ..

I struggle to put how I feel into words, so please bare with me.

So I’ve had depression & anxiety for 3 years now. Never had medication for it, but CBT has helped a huge amount. I used to cry at night scared someone was going to break in our home and kill us all. I don’t have those thoughts anymore, so I’m in a better place thanks to CBT. I’m thankfully no longer house bound, and I get out on a daily basis and actually talk to people. I no longer cry every night, and I actually smile during the day now.

My depression and anxiety is still there, but I’m not keen on taking anti depressants. I’m sure you’ll understand that my anxiety makes me worry about taking medication, due to the possible side effects. I have two small children, and DH works very long hours, so I’d really worry about my ability to care for them whilst taking anti depressants. I may change my mind in future, but for now I’d rather not go on them.

I feel ok, but I don’t show much emotion. I don’t let this affect the kids, and I’m always engaging with them happy and positive (but I have to put it on IYSWIM). My friend and family don’t know I have depression and anxiety (except my DH), and don’t treat me as if they suspect it, so I don’t show I have all these feelings inside. They just think I’m shy.

I don’t have any hobbies, and don’t leave the house without the kids. It doesn’t really help. I only have one friend who I see weekly for a couple of hours with her kids, but I enjoy this.

I adore my DH, but we are starting to have problems. I have never been that ‘into’ sex (not just with him - anyone), so although we had sex it wasn’t frequently. I have some hormonal problems, which caused this, but I am on medication and bloods are in normal range so it shouldn’t be the cause anymore.

Since having depression and anxiety I wouldn’t even entertain the thought of having sex. I don’t even want to be touched, or looked at in that way. I love my DH so so much, and wouldn’t want anyone else. He is such a kind amazing man, and I wouldn’t change him except maybe helping with housework a little more.

I’d really be interested in hearing from people who have been through similar. What helped you? Do you now enjoy it?
I need our relationship to survive this, and although I’m not worried about him straying or leaving me, I worry about how it will affect us as a couple and a family.

Ps I am seeing the gp tomorrow, but would like to hear from people who have been through the same or similar.

Thank you for reading.

Similar for me. The side effects of sertraline- not being depressed! Seriously nothing else. My gp says that it just wouldn't do anything if you don't need it. It's anti anxiety too.
I would encourage you to give it a go.

Oh and depressed people don't have sex! That is totally normal. It will all come back once your head is in a better place.

Thank you for posing officer.

Also thanks for the tip about the anti depressants. I have spoke to the gp about them a few times, and anxiety has always got the better of me. Tomorrow I have an appointment for something different but I will bring it up again. At least talking about it, even if I don’t get the prescription, is a step forward.

Oh really I had no idea how normal it was. It seems to be a very hush topic, so for the longest of time I’ve felt very abnormal about it. Seems I have a lot more progress to make.

No problem, glad my strife can be of some use!
Kinda ironic you are too anxious to take the antianxiety meds

Depression is very normal, and very crap. I feel it's like wading through treacle on a bad day. And sex is absolutely out of the question. If I don't have the energy to make a cup of tea then anything else is definitely off the menu!

I have found exercise and gardening to be really helpful as well as the meds. At my worst the only thing I can do and still feel OK is gardening!

Definitely ask your gp

#emptyusername - I have been depressed with anxiety.
It’s debilitating. And scary, and lonely, and all around terrible.
What made me want to seek proper treatment is the anxiety taken even further.
Someone we know has had unrecognised/untreated PND and ended up killing herself.
And that scared me. A lot.

You have given it a good shot with CBT - really you did.
But, after 3 years - even you can see that he effect is limited.
You need to sort yourself - for you, for your kids, for your family.
Really!!!!

Libido is unlikely to magically appear while you are housebound. And constantly with kids.
You need to - start feeling better, start leaving the house, get some exercise and feel like an individual, a woman (not only a mother)

Talk to your doctor. Really.

OP it’s crazy because I am going through something very similar and I have no interest in having sex. I was going to create my own post on this issue .
I know how you feel and I’m always making excuses to avoid sex. I know I should address this issue but I don’t know where to begin. I just started CBT but I’m still struggling with my CBT.

Being a mother is hard and the road to recovery is even harder but we WILL get through this.
I hope we are able to address this issue , you’re not alone and hopefully we will find content and happiness soon.