Fake it till you make it?

[IWantToSleepNow]

I have described in other threads my postnatal anxiety / depression (baby is 3 months old so I should be well over everything by now, but I'm not). HV to come on Monday, waiting to talk to sort something out.

DH is lovely and wants me (despite I haven't lost a single pound postpartum and find myself horrible). I love him and am attracted to him but I have no drive at all at the moment as my mind is always focused on the baby, so I regularly fake to avoid disappointments in the hope to make it some time. Feel guilty, I would really like to enjoy the little time with him but just can't. Any advice?

I think three months in is pretty early days. Quite aside from any concerns you might have about your weight or anything else, many of us have been focused on the baby at the exclusion of pretty much anything or anyone else in the first few months or so.

Which isn't to say that women who aren't don't love their babies as much, mind! They're probably just better at switching focus for a bit.

Sorry, that not really advice. I just don't know that you have a problem, at least not so early into parenthood

It’s too early to worry. Far too early.

Personally, it took me ages after each baby to have any proper interest at all. Maybe up to a year! I could just take it or leave it (only taking it occasionally!) and wouldn’t have minded going without.

Please don’t put extra pressure on yourself so soon thinking of what you “should” be doing. In my experience that just makes everything worse.

Does your baby sleep in your bedroom? Could you have sex elsewhere?
Treat yourself to something new - little nightie so not naked if you feel not your best just yet?

I had 0 desire until I stopped breastfeeding at 2 and even then I'm tired, don't put pressure on yourself.

How did it go with the HV?

And remember 'fake it u til you make it' isn't just about actual intercourse. It's a way to reach a desired end state. So it's just as much about finding time to pay compliments, send random texts that show you're thinking of them (and not just in an admin way, but as a partner) and having a hug. Any or all of which can be difficult if you're tired, frazzled and all touched out. But still worth a try, assuming that you don't want to lose all forms of intimacy.

Three months is nothing, even without birth injuries or PND. Completely normal not to feel like it. Please don’t worry.

Also if your DH knows you don’t want to have sex and is demanding it anyway he’s really not lovely.

3 months is nothing! There's no rush, wait til you really want to. New mummy hormones are strong stuff. Just go with how you feel x