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Turned off by OH

3 replies

readyandwaitin · 14/10/2017 21:51

How do I become attracted to my OH again?
I love him very much.
He cheated on me last year (a one night stand) as a result of sexual frustration and incompatibility.
It’s not that we weren’t having sex at all, rather I was treating it more like a chore then a desire. It’s the standard cliche - 3 kids later - tired e.t.c
He also had a terrible way of nagging/sulking and if I’m honest being down right abusive and unsupportive on the topic.
His reasons were he wanted to feel wanted.
I believe he had very low self esteem from a few things; redundancy, hair loss and ageing in general!
I couldn’t tell him the reasons why I’m no longer attracted to him as he wouldn’t take it well even though it’s the truth.
He is 3 stone heavier than when we met and is a classic weekend binge drinker. He’s always had a huge appetite and struggles to stop eating if there’s food out even when he is painfully full.
He is very active but his intake is always greater than his outtake despite the high amount of exercise he does - football x2 a week, running x2 a week and x1 gym session.
I will say he rehydrates with lager after his footie!!!

He knows he is overweight and is forever “attempting to turn the barge around” and “quitting the drink” as he puts it! But he is plagued with leg injuries and quick to reach for a pint when the hangover is faded

OP posts:
SchnitzelVonKrumm · 14/10/2017 22:15

Are you sure you want to? What effort is he making?

HerOtherHalf · 14/10/2017 22:54

Sorry, but why are you taking so much of the blame on yourself and trying to minimise his faults?

He didn't cheat because of frustration and incompatibility. He cheated because he's a rat.
If you were understandably feeling that sex was a chore that's because you were being pressurised into it by him when you were not in the mood.
Nagging, sulking and abusive?
Binge drinking?
Looks like much of his free time is his to enjoy his sports so when is he doing his share of the housework? When is he spending quality time with you?

Are you really sure you're in love with him or is it just a habit you're terrified to consider breaking?

GoldfishCrackers · 15/10/2017 08:41

The question in my mind isn’t how but why would anyone be attracted to a man who is nagging, sulking and abusive? Who had an affair but has somehow made you feel like it was your fault because you weren’t having sex the right way. Who seems to have made his self-esteem the focus even in the context of his affair.
Sometimes our bodies realise the truth before we’re aware of how we feel on a conscious level.

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