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Sex, pregnancy and depression

1 reply

nj5234 · 08/10/2017 09:21

Currently 7.5 months pregnant, barely doing anything in bed because DH has no sex drive and really worried about lack of sex life in the future.

I really want sex to be something that just happens naturally a few times a week, but it hasn't been for a long time and I think it's only going to get worse after the baby arrives. There were already issues about liking some different things (which would be fine if we were having lots of sex, so sometimes we could do one thing and sometimes something else, but because we weren't it felt like a bigger deal). We also have a lack of coordinating body clocks (we tend to go to bed at different times), and while the sex we have can be really good it can also be painful and just not really work that well.

DH hasn't seemed interested in doing anything sexual for the last few months. He's now on antidepressants which make it hard for him to orgasm, but it hasn't occurred to him to try and do anything I might enjoy and I'm feeling really rejected and frustrated. I'm trying to be supportive and let him know I'm here if he is in the mood to try something but I just want sex with him so much and it hurts that he doesn't. I know he's ill, but I've struggled with depression for a while (particularly feeling tired and lacking motivation to do all sorts of things) and I still tried to find ways to make sure we were were having sex that he'd enjoy, although it probably could have been more frequent. We've talked about it a bit but I don't think he realises how all of this has been building up for me and how unhappy I'm feeling about it (and I don't want him to feel bad because I know we're both stressed about lots of other things). The other problem is while I really want sex, I know it may well be painful and just make things more stressful, so the reality won't actually live up to what I want.

This is also my first pregnancy so I'm really worried about the effect on my body and having even more problems with sex in the future if I tear or need to be cut (plus more problems with tiredness, finding time etc).

It feels like this is going to become more and more of a problem in our marriage (especially seeing all that written down) and I don't really have anyone in RL I feel comfortable talking to about all this.

OP posts:
missrabbit23 · 09/10/2017 09:39

Hey Hun,
Firstly communicate with him clearly and specifically how your feeling, just so your both on the same page and he knows and you can both try and figure it out and come to a solution together.

Men r a bit self centred so only there problems matter ours are unimportant in there minds

Secondly invest in a good vibrator, it will change your life!
As for after the baby, just remember your body won't ever be what it used to be but it will be better, after giving birth I felt shitty for a few months but once the sleep deprivation went I never get sexier!! I'm sure it's just a phase and lots of couples go through this.

Sometimes me and my husband have sex every night others maybe once a fortnight.

Don't let it get to you, just go buy a vibrator and talk to ur husband xx

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