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My partner has a low sex drive and is selfish in bed.

21 replies

Rosesbite · 29/09/2017 15:11

I know this isn't a reason to just split up..
But I've brought this up and solutions countless times over a year.
I'm talking 2 seconds of foreplay and unless it's the off chance he lets me take control, I'm left hanging Always!!
I'm literally so frustrated some days I can't even look at him..
I'm always the ones to buy the condoms (we have children, don't want anymore and he won't have sex without, even though I'm on the injection)

He will leave it months before I give in and buy them. He just isn't arsed and tbh I'm sick of telling him.
He isn't affectionate anyway, so this is the only way we are close.
I know he isn't cheating before anyone says. Because he really doesn't have time. I don't think he'd make the effort regardless.
I've suggested role play, I've done the underwear, I've discussed possible reasons (stress ect). He assures me he's fine.

I don't want to be in a relationship with no passion. Is my only option to leave him?
I do love him and that frustrates me even more.
But I'm young and I'm not ugly so I have the potential to create an incredible relationship with someone who wants the same.
I want that with him, but it doesn't seem to be happening.

He really is a selfish man. Sad

OP posts:
Jason118 · 29/09/2017 15:44

If he knows how serious this is for you and still won't change then I'm afraid it's not going to get any better. From what you've described you deserve so much better. Good luck.

Redtartanshoes · 29/09/2017 15:54

It’s unlikely to get better I’m afraid.

Also the times he does have sex with you, you’ll always be wondering whether he actually wants it or is just doing it to appease you. It’s shit. I’ve been there. I left. Best thing I ever did.

Wine though.

Mrstumbletap · 29/09/2017 16:50

He sounds incredibly selfish. I'm sure there are other ways he is selfish not just in your sex life if he behaves like this.

It will only get worse.

Brahms3rdracket · 29/09/2017 22:45

How long has it been like this? Has he ever been a considerate lover?

Rosesbite · 30/09/2017 06:39

Been together 2 1/2 years.. its been this way a year and a half! I know hes capable thats wjat frustrates the hell out of me!

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 30/09/2017 07:40

I know this isn't a reason to just split up.

It really is OP. A dull, boring or non existent sex life would be a deal clincher for me. Without sex, you're just glorified friends. That might work for some but, clearly doesn't for you. Kick him into touch.

All of your suggestions would have been spot on for the vast majority of men. It really is him, not you

Ecclesiastes · 30/09/2017 07:43

Christ, that absolutely IS a reason to split up!

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 30/09/2017 07:47

It is reason to split up, it's a totally selfish way to behave.

That said op, you can be responsible for your own orgasm so do you have a toy you could use.

I'd be tempted to pull out before his moment of climax and switch on a battery operated device until I got there, then decide whether he can finish or not. But that way spirals to the end for sure.

Lweji · 30/09/2017 07:52

Sex was only good for one year?

Is he selfish on other areas of the relationship as well?

PaintingByNumbers · 30/09/2017 13:49

Yuck, that is definitely a good enough reason to split up
Only a year of reasonable sex before it went like this? Not worth staying

MyBrilliantDisguise · 30/09/2017 13:51

If you don't have children together, I'd be off like a flash!

Brahms3rdracket · 30/09/2017 21:04

I agree with everyone, it definitely is enough reason to end it. When you're stuck in on a Saturday night together, no babysitters available, a good, fun session keeps you fresh and in tune. No way I'd sacrifice sex in a relationship for anything (except illness of course).

Rosesbite · 03/10/2017 11:30

Stuck between wanting to have sex with him and not because 0 effort is made.
May just buy a dildo and tell the man straight 🤷

OP posts:
Rosesbite · 03/10/2017 11:32

We do have children and yeah he is pretty selfish..
Should have known. What an idiot 😒

OP posts:
Lweji · 03/10/2017 11:36

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?
Cut your loses short.

Brahms3rdracket · 03/10/2017 12:56

If you've already tried talking about it and suggesting improvement you probably do need to be rather blunt now. Perhaps he needs to hear how close you are to walking to make an effort. He obviously can if he was ok to begin with. Don't suffer in silence or grin and bare it though, that'll improve nothing.

PaintingByNumbers · 03/10/2017 13:04

Is it since the kids? What would he say if you said you will leave if it doesnt improve, and what if he makes a temporary effort then relapses? Why the condoms? He sounds v uptight.

Rosesbite · 03/10/2017 13:24

Because the coil failed us so he doesn't trust contraception. Yeah sex has been amazing so I know he can.
I have just been blunt with him, he actually tried it on with me and I told him I'm not having sex with a lazy selfish man. I'd rather pleasure myself.
I told him we are roommates and parents nothing else and that I'm ready to do it alone.

Safe to say he may have shit himself a bit and admitted he's been wrong. I've told him it's his last chance to change. So we will see guys.. (doubt it)
Stay tuned.....

OP posts:
Brahms3rdracket · 03/10/2017 13:33

Good for you Rosesbite. Sending you a massive high five for confronting him. I really hope he takes you seriously and makes an effort.

Dizzywhore · 14/10/2017 16:48

I could have written this op. I totally feel your pain!
I go through stages of just trying to expect it and feeling really resentful about it.
I'm sick of talking about it with my DH. We have been together 12 years and it's been like this for 11! I love him very much so don't leave but sometime I do have to remind myself life could be worse!

Rosesbite · 14/10/2017 18:04

But life could be better.. .
And we only get one x

OP posts:
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