Lost the spark

[factory999]

NC for this.

I love my husband, very much. We are incredibly compatible as people, want the same things, make each other laugh, have a lot of chemistry in terms of conversation and day to day interaction. The trouble is... we just don't have sex anymore. He wants to, but I'm just never in the mood. We get down to it and I just can't get in the mood, and it fizzles out. We have sex about once a month- and when we do, it's good, I'm just not interested generally.

I am attracted to other men, I masterbate and have sexual fantasies, just none of them involve my husband. I feel like a horrible person. He knows all of this, and is very patient with me, but it breaks my heart to know he's feeling rejected and like I don't fancy him. I'm desperate to get the spark back, but I just don't know how.

Has anyone been through this, and come out the other side? What can I do?

Don't beat yourself up. I've felt like this too. Once a month ain't too bad. At least you're having some sex and it's good when it happens. Make more time for each other if you can, go on dates, flirt with each other. How long have you been together? Are you taking any meds that might be interfering with your libido?

How long have you been together op?

Been together 13 years, married for 5. No kids (out of choice).

I was on the pill for a very long time, I thought that might have been killing my libido so I came off them and was expecting it to come back and it just... never has! Came off them about 9 months ago.

I didn't know anyone's sexual fantasies involved their husband! (Or is that just me?)

My brilliant lol!

I wouldn't be happy with once a month get marry after three days try to remember why you fancied him what attracted you to him in the first place. Don't worry about not fantasising about him he's your husband not David beckham !

Don't be too hard on yourself. It's not as unusual as you might think. If it's really bothering you, you could talk to a female gp about it. Honesty with your husband, as you have been, is the best thing.