Submissive man

[brittanyfairies]

I've been dating a guy for the past few weeks and we're ready to have sex. He's told me in bed he likes to be submissive.

I've had a very sheltered and vanilla sex life as was with ex-husband for over 22 years and have stayed single for the last five years. Is anyone in a relationship with a submissive guy who can give me ideas of what he would want.

He doesn't speak English and this isn't the vocabulary we learned at school, and to be honest I don't want the first time to be crap.

I don't really understand what submission is to be honest, is it him wanting me to take the lead in bed? Him lying back and thinking of England? Or something else?

As you can tell I've had a very sheltered sex life.

Not sure you being particularly sheltered and vanilla previously is THAT relevant here tbf. More a lack of information, you need more. Ask him.

Like, does he mean he likes a dom/sub in bed or submissive as in literally just doesn't like to take the lead and expects you to. Those are two VERY different things and if it's the former, you DEFINITELY need to communicate a bit more first.

If it's the latter, make sure he's not just lazy

Completely agree with Booble.

It could be a language/communication issue, better clarify what he means before you turn up with whips and handcuffs ready to go!

Next time you're talking about sex, bring it up and ask for more details about what he enjoys. If it's stuff you aren't into then you can say so.

It's such a wide description you will need to find out more together. There are sexual subs, pain subs, service subs, switches, to name a few. There is 24/7 or bedroom only. I suggest looking up a site like dominantguide. There you can find about limits, spheres of influence, agreements and the like. Every person's view and idea is different and every relationship is different. There is no wrong or right way, only yours and his way. I am not a submissive male, quite the opposite. Two pieces of advice. Start slow and remember it must be safe, sane and consensual. Have fun.

I think you need to ask him more questions and think about whether this is really going to work for you. Are you dominant?

I shagged a guy at college who had told me he was 'sub' - prior to DTD I was imagining all sorts of new, kinky experiences.

Turns out the lazy bastard just wanted me to go on top all night - one of the worst one night stands I ever had!

I definitely agree with the asking more questions as you need to find out what he actually means.

My husband is sexually submissive and what this means for us is that he likes restraints, he likes a mix of pleasure and pain and when playing he isn't allowed to cum without permission. It's not necessarily him lying back lol bit more that I tell him what to do and how to do it. Xx

I could be wrong but i think many women would find a very submissive man a bit of a turn off and a chore,,?

I agree with MissLead, he wants to be a lazy bastard in bed and have you do all the work. If you have never had sex with him before and he is already saying he wants a certain type of sex then I don't think that's right. At least let yourself explore and get to know each other before that.

Perhaps he is into the stuff you see on spankingtube.com? Submissive men getting bare bottom spankings and the like.
Try taking a dominant roll. Next time its sex time, order him to act like a naughty boy. Trousers/pants down, bending over, and you give him a good spanking. Ann Summers sell crops and leather paddles. Food for thought??