Low sex drive no chemistry

[minimalist99]

I have been with my DH for 5 years we have two DC. In the first two years of our relationship our sex life was ok I was fairly inexperienced and he was experienced and 7 years older than me.

I wanted to have sex a lot more than he did but nonetheless he would give it to me but would engage in little foreplay with me, he would enjoy getting a BJ from me but he has never returned the favour to me and as I was faulty inexperienced I thought this was normal.

I have found that in the past year since having my DD our sex life is non existent, he shows interest but I don't fancy him and when I have mentioned that I would like to have more foreplay he replies by saying "that's all I have and all I know."

The spark has gone and it's making me feel so depressed because I miss having sex with someone I actually fancy. DH is an amazing father and he's a good husband but I just feel like the romantic side of our marriage is really really suffering. I have tried going on date nights with him but sometimes when he comes over to kiss me I just can't help but think "hurry up and get off me"

Any advice would be much appreciated

That rather sounds more like you've fallen out of love than a sex issue.

I'd recommend counselling but afraid I'm of the belief you can't make someone love you nor make yourself love someone.

I don't know what to do I feel so lost

I would imagine the spark has gone because he's not listening to your needs. that's all I have and all I know is a terrible response to you. Nobody is the perfect lover without practice, guidance, listening and a desire to make it as enjoyable as possible for their lover. If he's aware you're not satisfied and isn't inclined to improve he's a very selfish partner and I'm not surprised you want it over and done with, who wouldn't?

I think you need to be quite blunt if all previous conversations have failed to kick him up the backside. Tell him you don't fancy him while he's not bothered about your enjoyment and you won't be laying back thinking of England while he uses you as a wanksock any more.

Wanksock that made me laugh

Its completely selfish of him and I have tried telling so many times but he just doesn't get it

I'll be honest, i don't have experience of a partner unwilling to please me, it's quite hard for me to comprehend someone who's happy to just roll on top, stick it in and pump away until they finish.

If he's saying he doesn't know what else to do would he be open to suggestions you make? I assume you're unable to climax with no foreplay, i know I would find it impossible. Does he ever actually ask if you're enjoying sex? Do you ask or direct him to touch you? Have you ever asrk why he doesn't reciprocate oral? Do you ever talk about sex without it being a frustrated confrontation? We chat quite a lot about what works, what we'd fancy trying, or share fantasies and porn. Sometimes i go to ladycheeky.com, find something that appeals and show him as a suggestion of a position, act or scenario that turns me on. It can be easier to show than say what you'd like. Do you think this is something you could use to point him in the right direction?

Talk. Not just have a conversation. Put some time aside specifically to talk about how you feel. Every week, if possible, with no distractions. Don't accuse or judge. Say, this is how I feel, not, you don't care. Improve other parts of your life, get fit, get in shape, eat well, sleep well. Easier said than done. Wife and I do and did this. We both lost 2.5 stone using the Dukan diet. We both feel better about ourselves and each other. Also, as a male, getting in shape means more testosterone flowing, as when you carry fat you produce oestrogen. Learn about each other, even doing things like mojo upgrade to learn what you both find turns you on. Be honest, absolutely honest. I hope you sort this out, there seem to be plenty of people with the same issues. Good luck.