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Original poster

Should I have sex with this ( hardcore) guy?

27 replies

Goshthatwentwell · 09/09/2017 22:44

Never had great sex with anyone. Have had a few relationships and all the guys have been lovely. Not with anyone now.
So an old friend has got back in touch. He fancied me back then but he's not my type and I definitely don't fancy him.
Turns out he's into some pretty interesting sex groups and is now single.
I was thinking he could probably teach me a thing or two especially with the sort of thing you wouldn't feel comfortable about asking a " normal" partner to do but as I don't find him attractive is that even going to work? Not sure what I want to achieve but does really good filthy sex cancel out shagging a guy you probably wouldn't introduce to your friends?

OP posts:
ITCouldBeWorse · 09/09/2017 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaintingByNumbers · 09/09/2017 22:47

Can you have really good filthy sex with someone you dont fancy? I cant, its one of the prerequisites. Why have you never felt the sex was great with anyone else?

Getttingbackinthesaddle · 09/09/2017 22:50

If you definitely don't fancy him and don't find him attractive, do you think you could get aroused enough to enjoy the sex - would it be enough of itself? I can't imagine actually being able to be intimate with someone I didn't even fancy. I also need to have feelings and an emotional connection but I get that for some/many people physical attraction is enough without the feelings. But if you don't even have that I'm not sure how it will be fulfilling for you?

Launderetta · 09/09/2017 22:52

Oh what the heck, you only live once - go for it!

ILoveDolly · 09/09/2017 22:53

You clearly do find something about him exciting..... why not?

Graphista · 09/09/2017 22:55

No I have a pretty wild and varied sexual history but you have to at least fancy him.

But if he's willing and happy to introduce you to others in this part of his life that could lead to some fun

Mrsjohnmurphy · 09/09/2017 22:56

If I'm honest with myself the best sex I have had was with people I didn't particularly find attractive :/ so it is possible. One a fwb who did my nut in eventually, the other a fuckbuddy, maybe it was the fact I didn't give a shiny one what they thought of me that made it liberating, no insecurities or neediness, didn't want a relationship at with either.

Original poster
Goshthatwentwell · 09/09/2017 23:08

Mrsjohn - yes. This is what I am ( sort of) hoping will happen. I am not particularly prudish but I do struggle with letting go with the person I share the day to day stuff with.

OP posts:
Stoneagemum · 09/09/2017 23:20

Do you trust him? If you want to try different things that might be out side your comfort zone, trust is more important than fancying them, if you don't trust them don't go there

Brahms3rdracket · 09/09/2017 23:22

It's easier to lose your inhibitions with someone you're not emotionally or romantically invested in, so it could be great, uncomplicated sex. I think you should give it a go.

hairylegsdontcare · 09/09/2017 23:36

Sex is usually shit unless you fancy, or at least give a shit about, the other person

Original poster
Goshthatwentwell · 09/09/2017 23:49

Ha ha! Great, totally divergent opinions.
The worse sex for me ( aside from drunken randoms) is usually with someone you fancy that you know doesn't fancy you.

He has had sex with strangers so obviously happy with that but I'm not sure that he doesn't like me a bit. So I'm not sure I won't try and " please" even though I'm not interested. Or maybe not.

OP posts:
Stoneagemum · 09/09/2017 23:53

If it's the experience you are after you don't try to please them, you are looking for them to please you, again I reiterate trust and the confidence to say no at any time any stop and walk away if it is not working for you

HungerOfThePine · 10/09/2017 00:23

I don't think you can achieve the level of great sex you want with someone you don't fancy no matter how kinky or experienced they are.
To be attracted or connected to someone makes you more open imo.

You might enjoy it to a degree but there will still be something lacking.

The best sex I ever had was with someone with a lot less experience, the connection and attraction led to the road of discovering amazing sex, and i may have had more experience but it was superficial and lacking In something (fire).

Also if he still fancies you and even on a slightly emotional level It wouldn't really be fair to use him in that way but if not then why not but be prepared for lack of fire.

weekendninja · 10/09/2017 00:37

I have a fwb that my friends wouldn't expect me to be with. I don't find him drop-dead gorgeous and I couldnt see a future with him and it suits me just fine.

I wanted someone that I wasn't particularly bothered in pleasing (that sounds terrible) in the hope that i could truly let go and get out of it what I want. I didn't want to worry about how my 'sex face' looked or put his pleasure over mine.

The result has been really amazing sex. I've completely let myself go and I absolutely love our time together. In turn, he loves the fact that I let myself go so much and finds in a huge turn on. Before I struggled to orgasm with partners and now it's quite the opposite...i can't stop myself.

What's really important though is ground rules. Ours are safe sex, honesty and respect. Make sure you establish these because a lot of men are just happy with what they can get and off whoever they can get it from and you need to look after your sexual health.

Original poster
Goshthatwentwell · 10/09/2017 00:49

I do trust him and nasty blokes don't find me attractive, So on that level I am perfectly confident.
I think because I know him I would just refevert to old behaviour and try and make sure he was enjoying it, which obviously is not the point of this exercise. P,us he is going through tough times atm so even though I don't want him, I don't want to muck him around and I want to do the right thing by him.
But, but something in me likes what he knows....
I shall wait and see in a few months when we meet up again.

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Original poster
Goshthatwentwell · 10/09/2017 00:54

weekend have you shagged others after him? Does the effect last or is it just him?

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weekendninja · 10/09/2017 18:05

I think as long as you're clear with him your intentions and he is fine with that then I would go for it. The first couple of times I had a word with myself beforehand to try and let go! It was such a liberating experience doing that and now it's second nature.

And yes, I have had other partners since with the same effects. I think it's helped me realise what I actually like and not to be afraid to do/show what works for me.

weekendninja · 10/09/2017 18:07

When you say hardcore and pretty interesting sex groups, what do you mean? I'm just being nosey now!

TheNaze73 · 10/09/2017 20:25

Every day is a school day. Go for it Smile

Original poster
Goshthatwentwell · 10/09/2017 22:28

weekends - I don't want to give too much information as I will be discussing it in RL. However it is safe to say he has probably done already anything I could imagine wanting to do. He sticks to females and adults but is very visual so I'd have to watch out for sneaky cameras I reckon.

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GoldfishCrackers · 11/09/2017 15:58

Um you think he might secretly film you? That's really not an ok thing to do. Are you sure you'd feel safe with him?

PaintingByNumbers · 11/09/2017 16:05

Ok, so what is it about you that makes you okay with all that? He might secretly film you???? You don't fancy him. You feel you need someone to teach you things .... are you just a total masochist? (Maybe thats a genuine q lol)

Original poster
Goshthatwentwell · 11/09/2017 20:10

Ha! No I don't think he would but my friend said to watch out for it. And I think he would probably ask if he could. He's not sleazy actually just very sexual.
I'm not particularly ok with the not fancying him but I do like him and he's genuine. It was all about the sex really. Not getting any younger, not bothered about a relationship atm, plenty of friends. Just the thought of dirty sex was appealing!

OP posts:
PaintingByNumbers · 11/09/2017 20:27

Why not just look online for someone you fancy the look of? Plenty out there to choose from ...

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