Where is this mind-blowing sex?

[Namila]

Hope this thread does not upset anyone, I genuinely wonder if I am alone feeling this way about sex.

Sex has never been mind-blowing for me. I am 28 and have had a resonable amount of sexual partners over the last 10 years, some in long term relationships some as more casual partners. It has been enjoyable and fun at times (although pretty unpleasant at other, less fortunate, times). I can almost never orgasm with a partner, although I have no problem reaching the orgasm when I am doing it myself (admittedly it takes me a long time).

I think when I enjoy sex it is mostly because I am very attracted (physically and mentally) to the person I am doing it with, so I like the feeling of intimacy and closeness. But on a purely physical level, it has never been blissfully amazing IYSWIM. Never felt in heaven afterwards or anything like that.

When I read about sex on articles and forums, and sometimes when I talk about s x with friends, I feel like there is something wrong with me.

Why can't I experience this mind-blowing, toe-curling, heavinly thing that other people talk about? Does anyone else feel this way? Is there a trick I am missing?

I can almost never orgasm with a partner, although I have no problem reaching the orgasm when I am doing it myself (admittedly it takes me a long time)
This has to be a big part of the problem. Why can't you orgasm with someone else? What's getting in the way? Are you allowing enough time? Are you helping/guiding/teaching? Have your lovers been interested in giving you pleasure? (not just making you orgasm)

Not met the right person yet.

Even if you orgasm, mind blowing isn't what it will always be like. I've had mind blowing, but I've had mediocre too!

Just like you have to love yourself before someone else can love you, sexually you need to know yourself before someone else can reach those parts.

Try researching different masturbation techniques, erotic literature, toys.

You don't mention trying toys these can be invaluable in helping you to find where you are best stimulated and in what positions.

Also - very hard to do - but try to relax and not think about it? Sounds impossible but I've found you kinda have to lose yourself in the moment?

Masturbate when relaxed, couple glasses wine? Tipsy but NOT drunk.

Agreed also, orgasm isn't the only goal, I've had gorgeous heart melting sex that hasn't led to an orgasm.

Also give your partner a chance to know your body. Erogenous zones aren't just the obvious. I know people very turned on by someone touching their wrists, ankles, eyelids... Everyone's different.

Bathe together, swim together, massages, tickle with fabrics/feathers, or try more stern touches? Works for some of us

I had no trouble having an orgasm with my ex, I wouldn't describe sex as mind blowing with him or my previous boyfriend, I guess you need the right partner.

I tried to name change for this but it didn't work, but fuck it :)

I was with my ex for 21 years, I was 17 when we got together with very limited experience, he was 7 years my senior and had a lot of experience pre me. Our sex life I thought was good, I thought we knew each other well and even in the last few years when our relationship was falling apart we managed to keep an adequate sex life (ie. i would always orgasm, but because I knew mainly exactly what I needed, but it was very samey).

I have been seeing a new guy for a few months, FWB type arrangement. From the first time was mind blowingly good. We have a massive amount of chemistry, he is very very skilled and we are both up for trying different things and learning about each other.

What makes it so so good? He makes me completely relaxed, the attraction is mutual, the relationship isn't muddied by baggage gathered over the years, he is very very skilled but most importantly we read each other well. He seems to know exactly what i already like and don't like, he knows when to switch. Its like a dance in a way. I could orgasm once or twice in a session with my ex, but not always. With new guy, I lose count. I have all over body shaking with shivers with him. For the time of our sessions I lose all sense of normality in a way, I forget everything and I only focus on what is happening with our bodies at that time.

We were talking about it the other day, and he says its like a game of table tennis. He serves, and I return his serve, he hits it back a little bit harder and I return, it gets faster, then slower, and both respond to each other. He said if I don't defend well (ie. respond or switch things up) I lose, but he will always win. But if I PLAY we both win.

Its a lot of things, but chemistry is so important. I have limited experience still in terms of variety but sex with him just gets better every time (even though it started off the scale). He has loads of experience and he tells me he always finds sex good, but together its something else.

If he wasn't such an honest commitment phobe I'd have wifed him yesterday!

Think you just havent met the right person to be honest. I never orgasmed with my ex, and it wasnt very good sex. We just didnt work, in any way really.

With my current boyfriend, orgasm nearly every time, if he doesnt cum too quickly, and its always amazing, even if I dont orgasm. We just work better together, in every way. Complete contrasts.

Are you getting a proper arousal ever? I mean an orgasm is great, but without a proper arousal its a bit functional

Ah, pudding21, I have met someone like this too. Its mindblowingly good and just as you describe, except weirdly I rarely orgasm, its more like continually edging. I prefer it a thousand times over. So I wouldnt be goal focussed, more focussed on the journey.

I think a lot of the mind-blowingness is about arousal. Though there is nothing worse than high arousal that goes nowhere... And if it happens continually it can stop you from even getting aroused as it seems pointless.

When I had partners I didn't have a good sexual connection with I used to read erotica and found out a lot of what worked for me that way, both mentally and physically.

With my DH the more I am turned on the more he is turned on so it's a win win.

I've had lots of a few sexual partners

I'm totally with you OP, I can get aroused, I can orgasm (alone or through partner stimulation) but it's not 'mind blowing'!!!

To me it's just sex, I can use toys, role play, bondage but it's still just sex
Some of its been amazing but not earth shattering