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Sex

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Original poster

Why don't I want sex anymore?

17 replies

Nc675t367 · 04/09/2017 09:38

So DP and I have been together 3 years. In January DS was born - from about October onwards we didnt have sex because I felt so huge and uncomfortable. After the birth we were both far too nackered to have sex and we kind of fell into a rut of no sex at all.

Now its 7 months on and although we're having sex again, its not very often and I feel really not sexy. I'm not turned on at all, I think it might have something to do with the fact he has no interest in foreplay, just sort of "goes for it"

I just feel really tense whenever we have sex and like I'm not going to be able to be good in bed/give him what he wants. Our relationship other than that is good, we love each other very much and I do really really want to have sex with him, but when it comes to it I just feel really uncomfortable and that its a waste of time for me to even try to get him turned on!!

Has anyone else ever felt like this and got their sex life back on track??

OP posts:

Original poster

Nc675t367 · 04/09/2017 09:41

So as not to dripfeed - ive spoken to him about this because hes noticed that i get tense and uncomfortable. Tried to talk to him about the lack of foreplay but he just said "weve had loads of sex in the past with no foreplay" and that he'll try it next time, but it never happens!! Its at the point tmi that I'm not even the slightest bit wet when we start having sex and it hurts!!

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 04/09/2017 09:44

I think you have asked and answered your own question, its not enjoyable and it hurts. Tell him this truthfully.

Also I think you need to change your thinking its not about trying to turn him on its about finding ways to turn you on together

HerOtherHalf · 04/09/2017 10:08

He's being incredibly selfish. He needs to fix this, not you. There are things you could do to get back in your groove together (e.g. having a few sessions where PIV is not on the menu and you focus instead on rediscovering each others bodies) but as long as he refuses to acknowledge the problem and dismisses your entirely valid complaints there is nothing much you can do. In the meantime, I would just be saying no. If he can't be arsed to get you warmed up he doesn't get in.

jonsnowsbuttocks · 04/09/2017 10:14

Are you breastfeeding? Regardless 7mo this post party's isn't a long time and your hormones might be still all over the place so reaching a point of being interrelated takes far far.......far longer.

However that all being said if he is point blank refusing foreplay then he is an idiot and only in it for himself!!!! What is his idea of foreplay? Why is he so reluctant? What is your idea of foreplay?

jonsnowsbuttocks · 04/09/2017 10:14

That's supposed to say 7 months postpartum

DeleteOrDecay · 04/09/2017 10:24

If it hurts then tell him to stop and explain why.

He needs to be less selfish in bed, It doesn't sound like you are getting much out of it, it's all about him and what he wants. I am not surprised you're not in the mood.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/09/2017 10:26

I'm not turned on at all, I think it might have something to do with the fact he has no interest in foreplay, just sort of "goes for it"

I'm not surprised you don't want sex,he sounds awful!

HeartStrings · 04/09/2017 10:32

Doesn't sound pleasant or exciting at all. I can't have sex without foreplay, my DP and I have always don't foreplay without fail. He just sounds a bit lazy, does he not even like you touching him?

HeartStrings · 04/09/2017 10:32

Always done**

itsbetterthanabox · 04/09/2017 10:34

The problem isn't you it's him.
Please don't let him enter you without foreplay. It's not worth you going through pain and no pleasure just for him.
He clearly doesn't understand the female body- or care! I'm sorry he's like this it's not acceptable at all.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/09/2017 10:35

Next time he "just goes for it" tell him you aren't ready!

Ropsleybunny · 04/09/2017 10:35

Buy him a book on making love and refuse any further contact until he can pass a test on making love and the importance of fore play.

Jason118 · 04/09/2017 19:39

He's missing out big time - foreplay is the best bit IMHO, the more and longer, the better!

AkimboLimbo · 04/09/2017 21:19

I'm not turned on at all, I think it might have something to do with the fact he has no interest in foreplay, just sort of "goes for it"

I just feel really tense whenever we have sex and like I'm not going to be able to be good in bed/give him what he wants.

Good grief, you are worried that you aren't good enough for him or giving him what he wants but he doesn't give a shit about you and he doesn't seem to care that it hurts you - that is completely unacceptable and incredibly selfish.

You have tried to talk to him but he didn't take you seriously - that reinforces that he doesn't care. You need to talk to him again and make it clear that this has to stop now. You will not be having sex if it hurts. He needs to slow down and put effort into turning you on.

Would I be right in thinking that you've never really had good sex and that he's never really put any effort into your pleasure?
I do wonder if he's got any idea what to do or is he just being lazy?

DoItTooJulia · 04/09/2017 21:29

Oh. My. God. So how does it go then?

Get into bed, he says 'want to have sex?' And you say 'yes' and he climbs on top of you and starts thrusting immediately?

Or is there a blow job in the mix?

Have you ever had an orgasm with this man? What does he do to give you pleasure? Does he think younxome through dry PIV?

So many questions, sorry. I'm just amazed that you ever have sex with him!

DoItTooJulia · 04/09/2017 21:30

you come that should say

Brahms3rdracket · 04/09/2017 21:41

I'm as dumbfounded as Doitoojulia, how can sex even work without foreplay? He sounds awful and selfish, he's showing no interest in how it is for you and you may as well be a wank sock.

I love sex, do it every day, but i wouldn't do it again if he was my husband.

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