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Sex after a termination

12 replies

Niamhisnotarealname · 03/09/2017 07:37

6 weeks ago I had a medical termination. DH vasectomy failed and I fell pregnant again with my third child which I/we did not want for various reasons.

I feel terrible for not wanting that baby. I feel I made the right decision for me/us at the time and still do believe I made the right choice but I just cannot bring myself to have sex with DH. He is being very patient butvi can tell that he is hurt when I reject his advances.

I am terrified of getting pregnant again (we would be using condoms) and I just feel closed off from him. like I have lost our connection. I don't know what to do ☹

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Ineedmorelemonpledge · 03/09/2017 11:35

Can he get a vasectomy? It's a sure fire way to prevent pregnancy scares when you are ready to get intimate again.

So sorry to hear you are struggling OP. It's a difficult thing to get over and needs time. You took the right decision for you, but it doesn't eliminate the guilt, pain and thoughts around pregnancy.

Give yourself time and tell him your fears. He didn't have to go through the procedure, you made that sacrifice so he needs to be patient.

Flowers

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Ineedmorelemonpledge · 03/09/2017 11:37

Sorry, I don't know how I missed the failed vasectomy part there, apologies.

What will he do? Can he have a further procedure to ensure it works?

There could be the coil to consider. I'd be equally nervous about condoms Op.

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Snap8TheCat · 03/09/2017 11:39

Well the vasectomy failed so I'm not sure that's exactly encouraging for the OP.

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YorkshireTree · 03/09/2017 12:00

Can you do other things than PIV for a while? Get comfortable and intimate without the risk of pregnancy?

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Ineedmorelemonpledge · 03/09/2017 19:45

Which is why I apologised @Snap8TheCat

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Snap8TheCat · 03/09/2017 20:06

It was a x post.

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AkimboLimbo · 03/09/2017 20:14

I think you need to talk to him and explain that this is preying on your mind. There isn't a simple, logical solution here because it's an emotional problem.
I agree with YorkshireTree, avoid PIV for the time-being. You need to be clear with him that it is completely off the cards for now so please don't ask as it will put more pressure on you. In the mean time, do anything else that you fancy to increase the physical intimacy. That should help you relax and feel safe enough to enjoy it.

Then you need a long-term solution for contraception. You were incredibly unlucky. Failed vasectomies are very rare.

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Niamhisnotarealname · 03/09/2017 20:23

There are investigations going on with DH and his doctor regarding the failed vasectomy.

We had the letter giving us the all clear and then the next month I am pregnant Angry.

I don't want to make him sound like a dick cause he's not but if I say no PIV he jokes that we an just get in more anal than he is usually allowed, which the makes me want to punch him atm.

I do feel that it hasn't effected him as much as me. Part of me wants to fully acknowledge that I have three children and to grieve almost. ( But then I beat myself up as I don't feel I have the right to acknowledge a third child as a chose to and the pregnancy) and the other part just wants to try and forget all about it. so I feel stuck.

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Niamhisnotarealname · 03/09/2017 20:29

gosh, sorry for all the typos. this app is awful to post on.

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userxx · 04/09/2017 23:03

When you had the termination were you given an option to have some counselling? I think it might be an idea to talk to someone.

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Niamhisnotarealname · 05/09/2017 06:52

Not really no, I have a phone bum at to call but that's really not practical as I have hardly any privacy to be able to talk openly at home (the kids, we work shifts around each other).

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Niamhisnotarealname · 05/09/2017 06:53

phone number not phone bum* 😂

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